Keep Fighting the Good Fight

Today has been a pretty emotional day. Partially exciting, because we figured out that Catherine most likely doesn't have any mental deficiencies. Rather, something else is going on in her environement that is not allowing her to be able to communicate. The devastating part came at the ENT clinic.

We had Catherine's AEA evaluation, which wasn't terrible. It was very productive and I felt like Mindy, our caseworker, did a very good job of not necessarily leading us in one direction or another, but letting us process the questions and answer them effectively and at our own pace. It was determined that although Catherine is lower on the "charts," she still falls within the range of "normal." Mostly, the things that caused her to be "lower" were due to her height. No, she can't turn a door handle, because she's not tall enough. But she can manipulate a levered door handle and open the door. Just not a knob. So we know she understands the function of it, she just can't get her little hands around a door knob. She can't even hold a sippy cup without using two hands. She's just little. Her social/emotional scores were very high, meaning she has a deep understanding of other people, and she is very intuitive of other people's feelings. Sounds like her dear old mom. The only place where she was below the charts was, surprise surprise, her communication skills. Especially her expressive communication skills.

So we will begin work with a speech pathologist from the AEA. Not only that, but we have our speech evaluation with Childserve next Wednesday as well. I am not sure if they would frown on working with two different speech pathologists, but that's what I'm going to do.

From there, we went to the ENT Clinic, and immediately had a hearing test. I was surprised when the hearing test came back just fine. Not sure what the readout that the doctor gave me said exactly, but there was a "passed" for both ears, so I assume that she can hear just fine.

Then the doctor came in. He started harping on her ear infections and told me that I would know better than a doctor if she had an ear infection. He started to describe it, and I told him I realized what it was as we have already experienced it. Here are some of the things he said to us when we expressed our concerns regarding Catherine's balance, hearing, and the fact that she clearly doesn't feel good 60% of the time. Only when we are giving her ear drops and medicine like Motrin does she feel better.

"What balance issues? She seems to be walking just fine around here."
"Honestly, take her out of daycare. I know that's hard to hear, but that's the issue that I find in almost all the children that I see."
"Yeah, we can run several more tests, but I'm telling you, it's not the ears."
"Allergies are very rare in children under 3."
"Her chronic runny nose is probably just a virus."

I wanted to punch that guy in the throat. I was devastated to find out her hearing is "fine." I was more devastated to have this doctor tell me that she is "fine." He was a dick and I ended up leaving the appointment crying. I am thankful that Eric came with me and was able to see that clearly, this guy was a dick as well. I was even more grateful when Eric spoke up and said, "Is there more we can do for her?"

He replied that it's definitely not the ears and to "find a new pediatrician."

Are you fucking kidding me? Luckily, last week I called our pediatrician to get a referral to an allergist. I have heard that sometimes allergies in small children can be pretty devastating to their development, particularly communicative skills. They seemed very hesitant (just like they were when I asked for a referral to an allergist because I thought James was allergic to eggs and guess what - MOM GUT WINS AGAIN), but it's understandable, because I am sure they don't want to make a referral for some crazy mom who is demanding it. So I finally heard back from them this morning, and luckily, we have had three kids in four years, so just with well-child checks alone, I have seen our pediatrician at least once every two months. So she knows me, and our family. We have a referral to an allergist and we also have a referral to see a general pediatrician downtown. We are just waiting to hear back from our original pediatrician about when those appointments are.

So all-in-all, a day that maybe deserves a glass of wine at... 2:15 p.m.

But like Christy, our daycare provider said to me, after we dropped Catherine back off: Keep fighting the good fight.

I guess that's all we can do at this point.

The Battle of the Bulge: Part 3, Week 9.5 and a Family Update

The Battle of the Bulge
I'm not really sure where to start, so I guess I'll just follow the title of the post.

5 Pounds down in 2 weeks! 

The Battle of the Bulge has been difficult. It's definitely the hardest it has been of all my pregnancies. Probably because I'm older and just a little bit more decrepit. I know going back to work has helped because I don't sit around all day, nursing a baby and baking stuff to eat while sitting and nursing a baby. I don't have the time, neither, to eat how I used to, so I am happy to say that in the 2.5 weeks I have started this terrible journey, I am down 5 pounds. Wahoo! And maybe, just maybe, tomorrow will take me to 6.

In all, keeping track of my weight every day (yep, every day. Obsessed much?), I have definitely seen a trend. I'll drop a couple of pounds, then gain back a half pound, then drop a couple more, then gain back. Maybe that's my metabolism ramping up after hibernating for, ummmm, 11 months or so. We shall see.

All in all, I'm happy with the progress, I just wish it were happening faster. However, I also understand that several things go into this: getting your metabolism to do what you need it to do, actually watching what you eat and even more important, not cutting so much that it will cause me to lose my milk supply. Which makes a good segue...

...and on that farm she had some milk...

Thanks to my trusty lactation cookies, my first week back to work was full of milk. Although I have to pump about every three hours, which sucks, I am getting milk out so much faster and only really have to pump about 10 minutes. Which is AWESOME. With Catherine, it seemed like it was a constant struggle and I would have to pump 20-25 minutes just to get enough for a bottle. With Drew, I am pumping an extra bottle a day, which obviously, I am freezing. I have no idea how that has happened, but the lactation consultant I went to see (what can I say? That mommy time is solid and I love talking with other moms) said that since I stopped breastfeeding, oh, A YEAR AGO, that my body is probably used to making milk.

It seems that my milk, however, gives Drew some horrible gas. I feel bad for him, as he struggles with it almost every day. And it's stinks! Holy hell!

BUT, he also eats a ton and is difficult to burp, much like my other kids. I still fully maintain that he overeats and spits the rest up. It's not typical spit-up that comes out, it's like the milk went down and comes right back up. But he seems to love comfort nursing, I just happen to have too much milk for him and he keeps getting too full. Which is another great segue...

Drew Michael
You had your two month check up, and you are a healthy 13 pounds. You are big and strong and LOVE your siblings. You love to smile and laugh and play on the floor. I was worried about my first week back - after the nightmare that was Catherine, I was hoping that we didn't go down the same path in regard to daycare not understanding the "structure" of bottle feeding breast milk, but we are doing great and it's awesome. Hooray!

Speaking of Catherine...

Catherine Lynn
*Sigh* I don't think the tubes are working and to be quite frank, I really think there is something else going on. I had a pity-party one day where I cried, thinking about how you aren't developing "normally." I was upset, sad, angry and worried about your future. I sat around wishing I would have done something different when you were first born.

After my 12 hour pity-party, I was like a dog with a bone. I have been on the phone with several agencies and have made sure that people are listening. We have an evaluation by the Area Education Agency on Thursday. Our physical therapist for Catherine has put in for an evaluation for an Occupational Therapist as well as a Speech Therapist. There are a myriad of things that are not going well for you, but at the end of the day, it's the fact that in one month since getting tubes, you've had two ear infections, and you have terrible balance. I mean, terrible. As far as mom-gut goes, I feel like there is something more going on with your ears. After your AEA evaluation, we have a follow-up at the ENT, and you can believe that I will be telling them that we're not leaving until we get some answers. I am not about to be dismissed. I am not angry that the tubes didn't work, but I honestly think there is something so much more that we have missed. And damnit, I want my baby girl to be ok. She still is not talking. We are hearing words every so often, but it's more of the same humming and pointing.

I know she isn't autistic - although I had my doubts once upon a time - but she doesn't exhibit the signs. Mostly, it's her speech and her walking/running/balance.

I am sad, but I am happy that we are on the path to doing SOMETHING. I am just upset that it wasn't seen and done awhile ago.

James Thomas
We start Wee Ball (Tee Ball with a bigger ball and only one base) next week, we were accepted into Preschool and James is growing up faster that I thought possible. I am sad that he is growing up so fast, but every stage is my favorite. I love every second of seeing him become a "big kid."

And speaking of kids, two are now crying. Off I go!