With all of Catherine's issues, we have really put anything for Drew on the backburner, including ANY kind of update, probably since he was seven or eight months old. That's almost a year ago. But Drew-boo, know that we love you very much.
You are the happiest when you wake up in the mornings. You are a complete ray of sunshine, and one of my favorite things to do when you wake up is sneak into your room and surprise you. The look on your face is absolutely elation. Your whole face lights up when you are excited about something, and seeing mom or dad first thing in the morning is definitely the highlight of our day.
You started walking about 13 months, right about the same time as James. You walk just like he did too; high knees and pounding the street with your feet. It's hilarious to watch. You are starting to navigate the doorways, like the sliding glass door and the front door, with ease. However, that makes me nervous because it makes you think you can take the stairs standing up too.
You try to jump, which is hilarious, but you can't quite get it. You love to stick your arms out behind you, lean forward, and "run." That is also hilarious. When you are done eating, you throw your food overboard, which drives me nuts. However, with the nice weather, I am sure the possum in the yard does not mind the leftovers at night.
You are always game for anything. You will play in the backyard by yourself for hours. You want to desperately go down the slide, but we just can't let you do that yet as the trajectory will launch you into the middle of the backyard. You will hate it.
You love to climb things. You love food. You are finally sleeping through the night, but you still wake up once between 9-10 p.m. because you are thirsty. You usually fall right back asleep and stay that way until morning, unless Catherine is in one of her rages. If it wakes you up, it usually scares you, but when she's done, right back to sleep you go.
You have been the sunshine on some really dark days in this household. Sometimes, I think that's the reason why God gave me you. He saw that we needed some comedic relief, some more love, and especially another big, blue-eyed baby boy. I am so thankful you are here, you are mine, and you are loved beyond measure.
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Just Another Chapter
Last night, I said to myself, "If I wrote a book, it would be titled 'Prisoner in My Own Life.'" And here we are, at yet another chapter.
Since Saturday, we have been fighting yet another battle with Catherine. Up all night, screaming. Aggressive with not only her family, but also with those that have come over to play with her. It's like when we have Good Catherine, she is amazing. When we have Bad Catherine, I cringe.
It has been a war zone, AGAIN. Constantly trying to keep her happy while balancing everything else. If you could have seen my kitchen on Saturday, you would have been appalled. I was appalled. And overwhelmed. Like everything else that day, it was a mess, and was the epitome of exactly how I was feeling. Out of place, disorganized, and chaotic. And the only way to survive is to take it one minute at a time.
If I wanted to, I could write all about the past four days. But it would be exactly like the last blog post I wrote. About strapping on my combat boots and going to war. How James is acting out because Catherine is misbehaving. How there have been more times than I can count where we have "lost" Drew somewhere in the house or the backyard because we are dealing with Catherine's behavior issues.
So instead, I will write about her Special Education meeting today, and the path forward we hope to take. Only because I feel like if I rehash the past four days, and particularly the past 24 hours, I will end up going mad.
So we met with Catherine's Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), the school's SLP, her Early Access Coordinator (who we love and we are so sad to see go). We also met with the school nurse, Catherine's potential special education teacher, who happens to be James' current preschool teacher. How lucky are we that we will have one of the kindest, most dedicated teachers I have ever met not only teach James, but also have Catherine for a couple of years. We are truly lucky in that regard. We are also so lucky for Catherine to have been working with Heather (EAC) and Dani (current SLP), as we feel they have been fighting for Catherine too.
It was surreal to be a general education teacher sitting in on an IEP (individualized education plan) as the parent this time. This time I wasn't just nodding my head and following along, but I was engaged in the conversation about my own daughter. Again, we are so thankful that we have THIS team of professionals in Catherine's corner.
Catherine will have curb-to-curb transportation, meaning she will ride a short bus. I almost have to laugh at this little girl in this big bus, but she will absolutely love every second of it. There will be an aid on the bus to help load her from Christy's (daycare) and the aid will walk her into preschool. She will go to preschool 4 days a week from 8:30-11:30 and she will get specialized services throughout the morning. Mostly one-on-one with the special education teacher for her cognitive delay and one-on-one with the school's SLP. She will then get back on a bus with the aid and be dropped back off at Christy's. I may have a lot of issues with the way our government is run, and the way public schools sometimes function, but in this regard, Southeast Polk has their stuff together. For that, I am so thankful.
I took the full day off work, just so that I could spend the day concentrating on Catherine. Since my last update two months ago, we have been diligently making sure she doesn't get any artificial flavors either, and have been trying to stay away from salicylates, which are acids derived from plants. I have put in a call to the doctor to refer us to a pediatric nutritionist who specializes in food intolerances, who can hopefully help us make sure Catherine is getting the nutrition she needs, as well as identify any other intolerances she might have that allergy testing would miss. This is what I suspect happened with the milk protein allergy, and why she tested positive at one doctor and not at the allergist. Because it's more of an intolerance.
I have learned that food allergies and intolerances manifest themselves in several different ways. For some kids, it's behavioral, and for some, it's a rash. Either way, the further we get from allowing Catherine to have dyes and artificial flavors/preservatives, the more convinced I am that this is what is happening.
If anyone out there is reading this, and you are the praying type, here is what we need prayers for:
1) For a nutritionist to guide us into further investigation of what Catherine truly reacts to.
2) For us, to make sure we continue to be patient and love her with everything we have
3) For James, who is also hurting from this as a big brother.
4) For her special education "family" who will continue to work with Catherine and make suggestions for her. Help them guide her to be the best Catherine she can be.
5) For Catherine. You can tell she does not like feeling this way. She is easily frustrated with herself and as Christy's daughter put it before, it seems like she is angry with herself all the time. With the removal of dyes and flavors from her diet, she has been much happier, and more loving. I hope this continues.
Onward...again.
Since Saturday, we have been fighting yet another battle with Catherine. Up all night, screaming. Aggressive with not only her family, but also with those that have come over to play with her. It's like when we have Good Catherine, she is amazing. When we have Bad Catherine, I cringe.
It has been a war zone, AGAIN. Constantly trying to keep her happy while balancing everything else. If you could have seen my kitchen on Saturday, you would have been appalled. I was appalled. And overwhelmed. Like everything else that day, it was a mess, and was the epitome of exactly how I was feeling. Out of place, disorganized, and chaotic. And the only way to survive is to take it one minute at a time.
If I wanted to, I could write all about the past four days. But it would be exactly like the last blog post I wrote. About strapping on my combat boots and going to war. How James is acting out because Catherine is misbehaving. How there have been more times than I can count where we have "lost" Drew somewhere in the house or the backyard because we are dealing with Catherine's behavior issues.
So instead, I will write about her Special Education meeting today, and the path forward we hope to take. Only because I feel like if I rehash the past four days, and particularly the past 24 hours, I will end up going mad.
So we met with Catherine's Speech Language Pathologist (SLP), the school's SLP, her Early Access Coordinator (who we love and we are so sad to see go). We also met with the school nurse, Catherine's potential special education teacher, who happens to be James' current preschool teacher. How lucky are we that we will have one of the kindest, most dedicated teachers I have ever met not only teach James, but also have Catherine for a couple of years. We are truly lucky in that regard. We are also so lucky for Catherine to have been working with Heather (EAC) and Dani (current SLP), as we feel they have been fighting for Catherine too.
It was surreal to be a general education teacher sitting in on an IEP (individualized education plan) as the parent this time. This time I wasn't just nodding my head and following along, but I was engaged in the conversation about my own daughter. Again, we are so thankful that we have THIS team of professionals in Catherine's corner.
Catherine will have curb-to-curb transportation, meaning she will ride a short bus. I almost have to laugh at this little girl in this big bus, but she will absolutely love every second of it. There will be an aid on the bus to help load her from Christy's (daycare) and the aid will walk her into preschool. She will go to preschool 4 days a week from 8:30-11:30 and she will get specialized services throughout the morning. Mostly one-on-one with the special education teacher for her cognitive delay and one-on-one with the school's SLP. She will then get back on a bus with the aid and be dropped back off at Christy's. I may have a lot of issues with the way our government is run, and the way public schools sometimes function, but in this regard, Southeast Polk has their stuff together. For that, I am so thankful.
I took the full day off work, just so that I could spend the day concentrating on Catherine. Since my last update two months ago, we have been diligently making sure she doesn't get any artificial flavors either, and have been trying to stay away from salicylates, which are acids derived from plants. I have put in a call to the doctor to refer us to a pediatric nutritionist who specializes in food intolerances, who can hopefully help us make sure Catherine is getting the nutrition she needs, as well as identify any other intolerances she might have that allergy testing would miss. This is what I suspect happened with the milk protein allergy, and why she tested positive at one doctor and not at the allergist. Because it's more of an intolerance.
I have learned that food allergies and intolerances manifest themselves in several different ways. For some kids, it's behavioral, and for some, it's a rash. Either way, the further we get from allowing Catherine to have dyes and artificial flavors/preservatives, the more convinced I am that this is what is happening.
If anyone out there is reading this, and you are the praying type, here is what we need prayers for:
1) For a nutritionist to guide us into further investigation of what Catherine truly reacts to.
2) For us, to make sure we continue to be patient and love her with everything we have
3) For James, who is also hurting from this as a big brother.
4) For her special education "family" who will continue to work with Catherine and make suggestions for her. Help them guide her to be the best Catherine she can be.
5) For Catherine. You can tell she does not like feeling this way. She is easily frustrated with herself and as Christy's daughter put it before, it seems like she is angry with herself all the time. With the removal of dyes and flavors from her diet, she has been much happier, and more loving. I hope this continues.
Onward...again.
Monday, March 27, 2017
If It Keeps On Rainin'...
...the levee's going to break.
That's exactly how I feel.
The town I grew up in had a dam. I had a friend who used to live right next to it, and we would hang out in his backyard. I would always look and see the water rushing over the edge. I would think about that cement wall holding back all that water so in the grand scheme, just a little bit could pour over the edge.
I feel like my dam has a crack in it and the water is going to break out soon.
The past 5 days have been more than just a struggle. It has been a war zone. After the first breech in security, I pulled on my combat boots and went to work. Up every couple of hours comforting a screaming Catherine. Sometimes it was an all out temper tantrum that would pull me out of sleep and before I could vault out of bed, someone else was crying because it was scaring them. Sometimes she would only call for me, but if I didn't come quick enough, it escalated to the point where I could hardly calm her down. And our room is adjacent to hers - it takes me about 10 seconds to get there. But in that time, she would go from 0-meltdown and I would have to calm her down by loving on her. At one point, I brought her into bed with us and massaged her legs and arms, which seem to do the trick almost every time. Then I told her she needed to go back to bed. She did. It always seems like it's over as quickly as it started. But then, it begins as quickly as it ends. It's never ending. Kind of like the water over the dam. It just keeps coming.
James is suffering for it as well. He has been mean to her, most likely because his playmate is gone and in her place stands a raging, uncommunicative little girl who kicks and screams and hits and cries uncontrollably. There is no knowing what will set her off, how long it will go, or really what will calm her down. Usually, it's just good luck. I will distract her with something, ANYTHING, to get her to put her focus somewhere other than her brothers, or me, or the floor, or the wall. And then it's time to get back into bed.
And I am running on empty. Fumes. I am hoping for a miracle so I can refuel, only to strap on my combat boots again. Catherine left a hand print on Drew's face the other night. A bright red, ugly hand print. For no reason. One second they were playing, the next, she hauled off and hit him.
I discovered on Sunday that her new toothpaste had blue 1 in it (a dye), but could that LITTLE possibly do so much damage? And then here I am, back at square ZERO, which James tells me is LESS than one. And one would mean I have something. Right now, I have nothing.
I believe the Zyrtec was our main culprit. So we solved that issue. We were blissfully happy for a few months. Then it was the food dyes. We took those out. We were blissfully happy for a few months. Every time we figure something out, something else takes it's place.
I am now onto researching digestive health; particularly something called "leaky gut." I will spare the details, but essentially, large food particles and toxins are absorbed into the bloodstream from the intestine, putting your body on full attack. Now it knows how I feel. It was Eric's cousin who emailed me the information, as her son was diagnosed with Asperger's. She was able to reverse ALL symptoms with diet modification, and she said you would never know he would have a diagnosis like that. He is still missing social cues as he missed developing them when he was suffering, but now that he is healthy, he is able to function normally.
That's exactly what I want for Catherine. In her phone evaluation on Wednesday night, her SLP said that she was concerned that Catherine was cognitively delayed. I was floored. This had never been mentioned before. She was very careful to say that she wasn't sure if it was because Catherine was also delayed in her communication, or if it was a separate entity, but she would like to test for it. If the test comes back that Catherine is cognitively delayed, she will qualify for special education services through 3-year old preschool.
Every parent wants their child to be successful, and even if Catherine is in special education, she will still be successful because of who she is. It's not the end of the world if Catherine is special education. There are so many different levels, and I am a teacher. I have seen several students test out of the special education program. But as a parent, I can't help but wonder; is there anything I can do to help her? Did I do something wrong that led us to this point? What if I would have noticed sooner that she constipated at 4 weeks of age? What if I would have pushed harder, BEFORE she turned two, to get her in to see specialists. You can't help but wonder.
So here we are. Blow by blow by blow. Night after sleepless night. And in all of this, I just keep strapping on my combat boots because I don't know what else to do.
That's exactly how I feel.
The town I grew up in had a dam. I had a friend who used to live right next to it, and we would hang out in his backyard. I would always look and see the water rushing over the edge. I would think about that cement wall holding back all that water so in the grand scheme, just a little bit could pour over the edge.
I feel like my dam has a crack in it and the water is going to break out soon.
The past 5 days have been more than just a struggle. It has been a war zone. After the first breech in security, I pulled on my combat boots and went to work. Up every couple of hours comforting a screaming Catherine. Sometimes it was an all out temper tantrum that would pull me out of sleep and before I could vault out of bed, someone else was crying because it was scaring them. Sometimes she would only call for me, but if I didn't come quick enough, it escalated to the point where I could hardly calm her down. And our room is adjacent to hers - it takes me about 10 seconds to get there. But in that time, she would go from 0-meltdown and I would have to calm her down by loving on her. At one point, I brought her into bed with us and massaged her legs and arms, which seem to do the trick almost every time. Then I told her she needed to go back to bed. She did. It always seems like it's over as quickly as it started. But then, it begins as quickly as it ends. It's never ending. Kind of like the water over the dam. It just keeps coming.
James is suffering for it as well. He has been mean to her, most likely because his playmate is gone and in her place stands a raging, uncommunicative little girl who kicks and screams and hits and cries uncontrollably. There is no knowing what will set her off, how long it will go, or really what will calm her down. Usually, it's just good luck. I will distract her with something, ANYTHING, to get her to put her focus somewhere other than her brothers, or me, or the floor, or the wall. And then it's time to get back into bed.
And I am running on empty. Fumes. I am hoping for a miracle so I can refuel, only to strap on my combat boots again. Catherine left a hand print on Drew's face the other night. A bright red, ugly hand print. For no reason. One second they were playing, the next, she hauled off and hit him.
I discovered on Sunday that her new toothpaste had blue 1 in it (a dye), but could that LITTLE possibly do so much damage? And then here I am, back at square ZERO, which James tells me is LESS than one. And one would mean I have something. Right now, I have nothing.
I believe the Zyrtec was our main culprit. So we solved that issue. We were blissfully happy for a few months. Then it was the food dyes. We took those out. We were blissfully happy for a few months. Every time we figure something out, something else takes it's place.
I am now onto researching digestive health; particularly something called "leaky gut." I will spare the details, but essentially, large food particles and toxins are absorbed into the bloodstream from the intestine, putting your body on full attack. Now it knows how I feel. It was Eric's cousin who emailed me the information, as her son was diagnosed with Asperger's. She was able to reverse ALL symptoms with diet modification, and she said you would never know he would have a diagnosis like that. He is still missing social cues as he missed developing them when he was suffering, but now that he is healthy, he is able to function normally.
That's exactly what I want for Catherine. In her phone evaluation on Wednesday night, her SLP said that she was concerned that Catherine was cognitively delayed. I was floored. This had never been mentioned before. She was very careful to say that she wasn't sure if it was because Catherine was also delayed in her communication, or if it was a separate entity, but she would like to test for it. If the test comes back that Catherine is cognitively delayed, she will qualify for special education services through 3-year old preschool.
Every parent wants their child to be successful, and even if Catherine is in special education, she will still be successful because of who she is. It's not the end of the world if Catherine is special education. There are so many different levels, and I am a teacher. I have seen several students test out of the special education program. But as a parent, I can't help but wonder; is there anything I can do to help her? Did I do something wrong that led us to this point? What if I would have noticed sooner that she constipated at 4 weeks of age? What if I would have pushed harder, BEFORE she turned two, to get her in to see specialists. You can't help but wonder.
So here we are. Blow by blow by blow. Night after sleepless night. And in all of this, I just keep strapping on my combat boots because I don't know what else to do.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
The Purge
I said to my friend and colleague yesterday during lunch that I could feel myself on the verge of a stress cry. Today, I finally broke. So what better place to purge all of my anxieties than here?
To start, I took a half day. Sometimes, you just need mental health days. But I hate taking them. I see the necessity in them, but I also see the weakness in them. And that's just who I am.
It was a terrible rehearsal today with my Concert Choir. They were ok, but not great. They were tired, I am incredibly tired, and halfway through the rehearsal, I could feel the tears starting. For really no apparent reason. Maybe it was the kids were being ornery, maybe it was because I didn't get any sleep last night. For whatever reason, today I hit my breaking point, in the middle of class. So here I am, sitting on my couch, after a solid stress cry that made me almost hyperventilate to my Teacher Leader, and from there, she sent me home. After talking to my principal about it, which obviously horrifies me. But maybe it's ok to see that I have too. many. things. on. my. plate.
When I started this job, it was definitely a walk in the park. The former teacher hadn't really done much with the choirs, and from there, it was easy to make something of the program. Now, it's too damn big for one person, and I can honestly say I'm struggling. So I'll start from the beginning:
Solo Contest:
Solo contest is in March. Not a huge deal, but it is for the students who want to take a solo to contest. Which is all 21 of them. So that not only means 21 students who need lessons each week, but also two songs, three copies of each. It means arranging three accompanists since only one accompanist can take 10 students thanks to regulations put forth by the music association. Since we do not have a staff accompanist, that means that I have to find three people. That doesn't mean that I haven't, but in addition to finding three people, I also have to make sure that I can find time for them to rehearse with each of the students at least twice. Trying to arrange that type of schedule is fucking ridiculous. But here I am. Right now, most students only have one song, but in order to go to contest, you have to have two. Which means I have to pick out one more song for 21 of them. Which means putting in the time to find one and make copies. Beyond that, I now have students asking if they can take duets with friends. When the hell am I going to find time to do that? I don't want to say no, but after today, I realize I am going to have to.
The Variety Show:
I think what really started it all this morning is that I was staring at a group of students who were tired, who didn't want to really rehearse, who maybe aren't a fan of the song we're singing (which I don't know why, but that's the way it feels). And who arranged the two songs the choral program is singing? ME. On my own time, for free. If I were to go the real route of how to do things correctly, I would have hired someone to arrange the music for me. Beyond that, I'm trying really hard to add some different choreography for them this year, to make the Variety Show that much better than last year. Instead, the students aren't "understanding" the choreography. Meaning, they don't quite get that adding choreography is going to make it that much cooler. But they didn't want to do it today. Then I kept having to repeat myself, and from there, I was getting confused because so many things were going through my mind.
On top of that, to make the Variety Show bigger and better this year, I added a Kids Sing! Camp. Kids in grades 2-6 can come and learn a song with the high school students, and from there, they will sing on stage with the high school students. I already have four students signed up, which is exciting, but I wanted a huge influx of students, and that was not going to happen right away. I don't know why I am pressuring myself about it, but I am. So not only do I have to teach my select choir the choir songs at the beginning of the show, plus the one song they are singing by themselves, but I also have to teach them the two songs that they will sing with the little kids. They are easy, and fairly straight-forward, but it's still time in the classroom. Do we have the time, yes, but that's just one more song that I have to plan for. Then, the girls will be doing body percussion during it, so I also have to figure out AND teach them that.
With all of that, I had the most students I have ever had try out this year audition. Meaning, the Variety Show is also different both nights. Which means I have a ton of students who need lessons, since their audition only has to be a part of the song they are singing. Beyond that, to make it better, I am adding drums to some of the songs, and piano to others. Which means I have to get the drum parts and give them to the kid who is drumming, and I have to learn the piano part. Not too hard, but it takes time. The students have to see me several times before I will put them on stage, but if I'm charging $4 and $6 a ticket, I can't put mediocrity up on the stage.
Speaking of tickets, I have to make the tickets, print the tickets, make the program, print the program, get the biographies entered. I have to make four different tickets and print them all. So my Teacher Leader, while I'm crying my eyes out to her, says that she can help me, just share the file with her, which I did. But now I'm sitting here realizing I forgot to put something on the tickets, and now I wil have to email her.
I also have to make signs for the buckets for the Viewer's Choice Award. I have to find the damn buckets. I have to make sure the custodians not only bring the risers over to the high school, but then get them back. I have to set up the sound system. I have to go to the Des Moines Theatrical Shop and get gel filters for the lights. I have to go to the middle school, where our auditorium is, and not only move the lights, but add the gel filters on.
And in all that, I still have to teach the students. When do I have the time to even plan for class???
Musical
The musical isn't stressing me out too badly, but it's still stressful. I have been asking my colleague for the piano/conductor score for a couple of months, so I can get it to the accompanist. But I still don't have it. Finally, the other day I found some time to call New York City and order it myself. Guess what? It will be here on Friday. Not that hard, and yet my colleague didn't seem to be able to do it.
I am in charge of the music, and luckily, the music isn't that difficult. But after the students learn the music, I am in charge of getting the band together. Which means I have to call area colleges and see if they have musicians that I can borrow. Then I have to get W-9's for all of them, and from there, I have to make sure they get paid. But before they can get paid, I have to make sure that I have enough money for them. And why? Because all of our money for the musical comes from the Variety Show. That's why we have one. To fund our musical. So the Variety Show can't flop, or we don't have money for the Musical.
And in all of that, I have to find time to figure out the score and understand the music and be able to direct it. When the hell do I have time to do that?
Honor Choirs
I have 9 students going to two different honor choirs. Not only do I have to make sure that they have their music learned, but I have to make sure we have transportation, that parent emails have been sent out about the information they need to know. And then, I get to be gone from school to accompany these students to these honor choirs. And why do I do that? Because the students want more opportunities. So I'm trying to give it to them. But while I'm gone, I have to make sure my choirs have stuff that they need to do.
Jazz Choir
This year was the start of our inaugural jazz choir. Instead of doing it during the day, which I have done in the past, with my Select Choir, I made it an actual thing to rehearse one day a week outside of school. When I started it, I knew one day a week was going to be tough. But that was all the time we had for rehearsals because the students are in so many things. However, now, we're at the point where we are going to competitions, and the students really want to compete, but I know they aren't going to do well. Why? Because we don't have the time to rehearse. And it's not like I picked terribly difficult music. So now I am kicking myself: why did I do this? Oh yeah, to give the students more opportunities. To continue to grow my program. To recruit and build a name for these kids because they deserve it.
The Middle School
It's been tough. I have a colleague who is also busy. So I have been trying to help her do her job. I can't do it. It's too much. But yet, here I am, giving her suggestions, calling her to make sure she has done this that and the other thing. And still, I have my own program to concentrate on. I have to make time for meetings with her and the administration. I have to make time to remind her to do things. And then, I have to watch the band have it easier because they get to co-teach because their schedules line up, and then I have to watch them have time to recruit and figure out what they are doing. It's frustrating on several levels, and I worry about the state of my program in a few years.
The Kids
I don't think I have to scream from the mountain tops that I have three kids under 5. They are demanding, I hear "Mooooom?" more than 1000 times per day, and on top of that, I'm trying to keep a house clean, everyone fed, fridge full of groceries, and figuring out what the hell my kids are going to wear everyday. Eric has an affinity for making sure he gets his sleep in the morning, so a lot of the time, I am not only battling three kids and a husband in the morning, but I have to make myself breakfast, get ready for my day and get out the door in a timely fashion. Most of the time, I'm late. Most of the time, I get to school, and I have students waiting for me because I am walking in 5 minutes late. Even when I am up at 4:30 because I can't sleep, and get ready for my day starting at 6 a.m. SOMETHING happens to make me late. Almost every single day. Then Eric and I talk about it, and we try to combat it, but instead, something else happens. It's frustrating and it makes it hard.
In Conclusion:
It's like the end of a high school English essay. "In conclusion" I have figured out that this job has exploded and I am trying to do it all. It's impossible. Just looking back on everything I wrote, and based on the fact I couldn't even get excited about the actual fact that I was accepted into grad school, I am not taking care of me. I need to take care of me. So I am going to delegate and hopefully, that will help the organization and from there, I am hoping that somehow, I will come out of this alive. I'll let you (the .2 people who read this) if I make it.
To start, I took a half day. Sometimes, you just need mental health days. But I hate taking them. I see the necessity in them, but I also see the weakness in them. And that's just who I am.
It was a terrible rehearsal today with my Concert Choir. They were ok, but not great. They were tired, I am incredibly tired, and halfway through the rehearsal, I could feel the tears starting. For really no apparent reason. Maybe it was the kids were being ornery, maybe it was because I didn't get any sleep last night. For whatever reason, today I hit my breaking point, in the middle of class. So here I am, sitting on my couch, after a solid stress cry that made me almost hyperventilate to my Teacher Leader, and from there, she sent me home. After talking to my principal about it, which obviously horrifies me. But maybe it's ok to see that I have too. many. things. on. my. plate.
When I started this job, it was definitely a walk in the park. The former teacher hadn't really done much with the choirs, and from there, it was easy to make something of the program. Now, it's too damn big for one person, and I can honestly say I'm struggling. So I'll start from the beginning:
Solo Contest:
Solo contest is in March. Not a huge deal, but it is for the students who want to take a solo to contest. Which is all 21 of them. So that not only means 21 students who need lessons each week, but also two songs, three copies of each. It means arranging three accompanists since only one accompanist can take 10 students thanks to regulations put forth by the music association. Since we do not have a staff accompanist, that means that I have to find three people. That doesn't mean that I haven't, but in addition to finding three people, I also have to make sure that I can find time for them to rehearse with each of the students at least twice. Trying to arrange that type of schedule is fucking ridiculous. But here I am. Right now, most students only have one song, but in order to go to contest, you have to have two. Which means I have to pick out one more song for 21 of them. Which means putting in the time to find one and make copies. Beyond that, I now have students asking if they can take duets with friends. When the hell am I going to find time to do that? I don't want to say no, but after today, I realize I am going to have to.
The Variety Show:
I think what really started it all this morning is that I was staring at a group of students who were tired, who didn't want to really rehearse, who maybe aren't a fan of the song we're singing (which I don't know why, but that's the way it feels). And who arranged the two songs the choral program is singing? ME. On my own time, for free. If I were to go the real route of how to do things correctly, I would have hired someone to arrange the music for me. Beyond that, I'm trying really hard to add some different choreography for them this year, to make the Variety Show that much better than last year. Instead, the students aren't "understanding" the choreography. Meaning, they don't quite get that adding choreography is going to make it that much cooler. But they didn't want to do it today. Then I kept having to repeat myself, and from there, I was getting confused because so many things were going through my mind.
On top of that, to make the Variety Show bigger and better this year, I added a Kids Sing! Camp. Kids in grades 2-6 can come and learn a song with the high school students, and from there, they will sing on stage with the high school students. I already have four students signed up, which is exciting, but I wanted a huge influx of students, and that was not going to happen right away. I don't know why I am pressuring myself about it, but I am. So not only do I have to teach my select choir the choir songs at the beginning of the show, plus the one song they are singing by themselves, but I also have to teach them the two songs that they will sing with the little kids. They are easy, and fairly straight-forward, but it's still time in the classroom. Do we have the time, yes, but that's just one more song that I have to plan for. Then, the girls will be doing body percussion during it, so I also have to figure out AND teach them that.
With all of that, I had the most students I have ever had try out this year audition. Meaning, the Variety Show is also different both nights. Which means I have a ton of students who need lessons, since their audition only has to be a part of the song they are singing. Beyond that, to make it better, I am adding drums to some of the songs, and piano to others. Which means I have to get the drum parts and give them to the kid who is drumming, and I have to learn the piano part. Not too hard, but it takes time. The students have to see me several times before I will put them on stage, but if I'm charging $4 and $6 a ticket, I can't put mediocrity up on the stage.
Speaking of tickets, I have to make the tickets, print the tickets, make the program, print the program, get the biographies entered. I have to make four different tickets and print them all. So my Teacher Leader, while I'm crying my eyes out to her, says that she can help me, just share the file with her, which I did. But now I'm sitting here realizing I forgot to put something on the tickets, and now I wil have to email her.
I also have to make signs for the buckets for the Viewer's Choice Award. I have to find the damn buckets. I have to make sure the custodians not only bring the risers over to the high school, but then get them back. I have to set up the sound system. I have to go to the Des Moines Theatrical Shop and get gel filters for the lights. I have to go to the middle school, where our auditorium is, and not only move the lights, but add the gel filters on.
And in all that, I still have to teach the students. When do I have the time to even plan for class???
Musical
The musical isn't stressing me out too badly, but it's still stressful. I have been asking my colleague for the piano/conductor score for a couple of months, so I can get it to the accompanist. But I still don't have it. Finally, the other day I found some time to call New York City and order it myself. Guess what? It will be here on Friday. Not that hard, and yet my colleague didn't seem to be able to do it.
I am in charge of the music, and luckily, the music isn't that difficult. But after the students learn the music, I am in charge of getting the band together. Which means I have to call area colleges and see if they have musicians that I can borrow. Then I have to get W-9's for all of them, and from there, I have to make sure they get paid. But before they can get paid, I have to make sure that I have enough money for them. And why? Because all of our money for the musical comes from the Variety Show. That's why we have one. To fund our musical. So the Variety Show can't flop, or we don't have money for the Musical.
And in all of that, I have to find time to figure out the score and understand the music and be able to direct it. When the hell do I have time to do that?
Honor Choirs
I have 9 students going to two different honor choirs. Not only do I have to make sure that they have their music learned, but I have to make sure we have transportation, that parent emails have been sent out about the information they need to know. And then, I get to be gone from school to accompany these students to these honor choirs. And why do I do that? Because the students want more opportunities. So I'm trying to give it to them. But while I'm gone, I have to make sure my choirs have stuff that they need to do.
Jazz Choir
This year was the start of our inaugural jazz choir. Instead of doing it during the day, which I have done in the past, with my Select Choir, I made it an actual thing to rehearse one day a week outside of school. When I started it, I knew one day a week was going to be tough. But that was all the time we had for rehearsals because the students are in so many things. However, now, we're at the point where we are going to competitions, and the students really want to compete, but I know they aren't going to do well. Why? Because we don't have the time to rehearse. And it's not like I picked terribly difficult music. So now I am kicking myself: why did I do this? Oh yeah, to give the students more opportunities. To continue to grow my program. To recruit and build a name for these kids because they deserve it.
The Middle School
It's been tough. I have a colleague who is also busy. So I have been trying to help her do her job. I can't do it. It's too much. But yet, here I am, giving her suggestions, calling her to make sure she has done this that and the other thing. And still, I have my own program to concentrate on. I have to make time for meetings with her and the administration. I have to make time to remind her to do things. And then, I have to watch the band have it easier because they get to co-teach because their schedules line up, and then I have to watch them have time to recruit and figure out what they are doing. It's frustrating on several levels, and I worry about the state of my program in a few years.
The Kids
I don't think I have to scream from the mountain tops that I have three kids under 5. They are demanding, I hear "Mooooom?" more than 1000 times per day, and on top of that, I'm trying to keep a house clean, everyone fed, fridge full of groceries, and figuring out what the hell my kids are going to wear everyday. Eric has an affinity for making sure he gets his sleep in the morning, so a lot of the time, I am not only battling three kids and a husband in the morning, but I have to make myself breakfast, get ready for my day and get out the door in a timely fashion. Most of the time, I'm late. Most of the time, I get to school, and I have students waiting for me because I am walking in 5 minutes late. Even when I am up at 4:30 because I can't sleep, and get ready for my day starting at 6 a.m. SOMETHING happens to make me late. Almost every single day. Then Eric and I talk about it, and we try to combat it, but instead, something else happens. It's frustrating and it makes it hard.
In Conclusion:
It's like the end of a high school English essay. "In conclusion" I have figured out that this job has exploded and I am trying to do it all. It's impossible. Just looking back on everything I wrote, and based on the fact I couldn't even get excited about the actual fact that I was accepted into grad school, I am not taking care of me. I need to take care of me. So I am going to delegate and hopefully, that will help the organization and from there, I am hoping that somehow, I will come out of this alive. I'll let you (the .2 people who read this) if I make it.
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Keeping up the Fight for Catherine
It's amazing how FAR you have come! We are three months without any medicine, cutting out just about everything that we know was causing you issues, and here you are, almost 50 words and becoming more than a helpless toddler. Today we had a bit of a set-back, but I am hoping that it won't be too big a burden.
We had your ear tubes follow-up today (which should have come in October, but between all of James' things and your therapies, we have been busy). I got you squeezed in today, one of the last days before our insurance resets.
We went back to our same pediatric ENT doctor that we started with, who had horrible bedside manner and in all, made it a very pleasant experience. However, I went because he was the one who put the tubes in, so I thought it would be better if we went back. I am happy to say it was a much different experience, although when I brought up that the U of I mentioned you should have your tonsils out, he scoffed at it. So I let it go. Especially because we now know what we know and when we visited the U of I, we had no idea.
Your right ear looks great, the tube is still in it's place and you can hear well out of it. Your left ear is another story. The tube fell out and the hole closed, which is the good news. The bad news is that there was fluid behind your ear drum, causing some hearing issues.
I shared with Dr. Schulte my concern with waiting the recommended three months to see what that ear does (more ear infections? the fluid just clears out on it's own?) because you are so far behind in your speech. How will your speech development be affected if you can only hear out of one ear?
But alas, we wait. I am hoping that ear infections don't resume, but with your track record, I can almost bet they will. I am hoping that I will be pleasantly surprised and the fluid goes away on it's own.
There's been a lot of "hoping" going on for you, little girl, but again, at least it's only this. We have figured out the majority of things for you, and I am hoping (there it is again) we don't go down a terrible path. We've been down so many, I really need this to stay positive.
As for the rest of it, your speech therapy is going really well. Apparently, the goal for any 2 year old is to have 50 words by the time they are three. Once they hit 50 words, they are considered on the low end of speech development, but still within the "normal" spectrum. So here you are. It's been a joy to hear you talk, and you babble on and on and on so much sometimes, it's a little grating on our souls, but for the most part, I am incredibly happy that you are moving forward.
In other news, I have had no less than 5 people contact me about the effects Zyrtec had on your development. Sometimes, I can't help but be incredibly passionate about it, and I am sure that is overwhelming. Most of the time my response is: "GET THEM OFF THAT MEDICINE!" it's scary to think there are that many people noticing reactions to different medicines and all the while, doctors prescribe it like candy.
We have taken to treating the kids as naturally as we can. Drew had a nasty fever a few weeks ago (103.6 - scared me to death!) and we threw some Motrin at him. He didn't seem to have any effect, so that's refreshing. However, we try to let illnesses (and there have been a ton in our house recently) make their way through the system without any intervention, especially anti-biotics.
Oh, how thankful I am that you are progressing, little girl. Here's to hoping (again) that it stays that way!
We had your ear tubes follow-up today (which should have come in October, but between all of James' things and your therapies, we have been busy). I got you squeezed in today, one of the last days before our insurance resets.
We went back to our same pediatric ENT doctor that we started with, who had horrible bedside manner and in all, made it a very pleasant experience. However, I went because he was the one who put the tubes in, so I thought it would be better if we went back. I am happy to say it was a much different experience, although when I brought up that the U of I mentioned you should have your tonsils out, he scoffed at it. So I let it go. Especially because we now know what we know and when we visited the U of I, we had no idea.
Your right ear looks great, the tube is still in it's place and you can hear well out of it. Your left ear is another story. The tube fell out and the hole closed, which is the good news. The bad news is that there was fluid behind your ear drum, causing some hearing issues.
I shared with Dr. Schulte my concern with waiting the recommended three months to see what that ear does (more ear infections? the fluid just clears out on it's own?) because you are so far behind in your speech. How will your speech development be affected if you can only hear out of one ear?
But alas, we wait. I am hoping that ear infections don't resume, but with your track record, I can almost bet they will. I am hoping that I will be pleasantly surprised and the fluid goes away on it's own.
There's been a lot of "hoping" going on for you, little girl, but again, at least it's only this. We have figured out the majority of things for you, and I am hoping (there it is again) we don't go down a terrible path. We've been down so many, I really need this to stay positive.
As for the rest of it, your speech therapy is going really well. Apparently, the goal for any 2 year old is to have 50 words by the time they are three. Once they hit 50 words, they are considered on the low end of speech development, but still within the "normal" spectrum. So here you are. It's been a joy to hear you talk, and you babble on and on and on so much sometimes, it's a little grating on our souls, but for the most part, I am incredibly happy that you are moving forward.
In other news, I have had no less than 5 people contact me about the effects Zyrtec had on your development. Sometimes, I can't help but be incredibly passionate about it, and I am sure that is overwhelming. Most of the time my response is: "GET THEM OFF THAT MEDICINE!" it's scary to think there are that many people noticing reactions to different medicines and all the while, doctors prescribe it like candy.
We have taken to treating the kids as naturally as we can. Drew had a nasty fever a few weeks ago (103.6 - scared me to death!) and we threw some Motrin at him. He didn't seem to have any effect, so that's refreshing. However, we try to let illnesses (and there have been a ton in our house recently) make their way through the system without any intervention, especially anti-biotics.
Oh, how thankful I am that you are progressing, little girl. Here's to hoping (again) that it stays that way!
Monday, November 28, 2016
Catherine: An Update
A month ago, we started hearing two syllable words. A week ago, we started hearing two syllable sentences. "No Boo-Boo (aka Drew-boo)" and "my baby" are among the most common. Instead of staring right through us when we say something, she is more inclined to try to pronounce the word. And every time, whether it's even close or not, we clap and cheer and overall celebrate this gigantic victory I thought we would never see.
You are SO. MUCH. FUN. Gone are the days where you would cling to us and cry. Gone are the days when you would throw yourself against the wall in a fit of rage. You sleep peacefully, rarely waking in the night unless you are cold or want a drink. Sometimes you wake up to tell us you peed, but rarely. Oftentimes, I am more than happy to change your diaper in the middle of the night, as this means you are progressing. You are getting last the horrible monsters that seemed to plague our every moment in this life.
You and James are starting to play together. It is awesome to watch. Your laugh is adorable and you want to do whatever James is doing. James has been a big help, encouraging you to use your words and being a great big brother. I am so thankful for my little family.
You love anything girlie. Purses, phones, dolls, getting dressed up, getting your hair done. It's amazing just how much you have "grown up" in this short amount of time. You are still small, but you are growing UP, and some of those 24 month pants are too short. Your coat is 18-24 months, but your boots are a size seven! You have some big feet girlie! You love picking out your clothes in the morning and your pajamas at night. You have become so independent and it has been such fun to watch.
I am so thankful, again, for all that has been granted to us. It seems as though we have friends all around us dealing with life-threatening illnesses and cancer, and here we are, truly blessed with all we have.
You, little girl, have a special place in my heart. I love you more than you know.
You are SO. MUCH. FUN. Gone are the days where you would cling to us and cry. Gone are the days when you would throw yourself against the wall in a fit of rage. You sleep peacefully, rarely waking in the night unless you are cold or want a drink. Sometimes you wake up to tell us you peed, but rarely. Oftentimes, I am more than happy to change your diaper in the middle of the night, as this means you are progressing. You are getting last the horrible monsters that seemed to plague our every moment in this life.
You and James are starting to play together. It is awesome to watch. Your laugh is adorable and you want to do whatever James is doing. James has been a big help, encouraging you to use your words and being a great big brother. I am so thankful for my little family.
You love anything girlie. Purses, phones, dolls, getting dressed up, getting your hair done. It's amazing just how much you have "grown up" in this short amount of time. You are still small, but you are growing UP, and some of those 24 month pants are too short. Your coat is 18-24 months, but your boots are a size seven! You have some big feet girlie! You love picking out your clothes in the morning and your pajamas at night. You have become so independent and it has been such fun to watch.
I am so thankful, again, for all that has been granted to us. It seems as though we have friends all around us dealing with life-threatening illnesses and cancer, and here we are, truly blessed with all we have.
You, little girl, have a special place in my heart. I love you more than you know.
Tuesday, November 8, 2016
The ShitShow: An Update
There is honestly only one word that describes this current life I am living, and it is "shitshow." It's not necessarily a negative word, but rather a word that is synonymous with "hurricane." There are the outskirts where it is windy, and it rains, and there is damage that occurs. And then you reach the eye of the storm, where it is calm and beautiful and although damage is all around you, you can breathe a little bit. Then before you know it, the rest of the storm hits. It's a constant ebb and flow of craziness. Would I trade this life for any other? Absolutely not. Would I trade a few hours for a snooze on the beach and a martini? YES.
There are so many things to update about, so I'll begin with the most pressing, uplifting, and really really beautiful.
Catherine
Here we are, only about a month and a half off of the allergy medicine that really seemed to wreak havoc on Catherine's body and mind, and she is saying two syllable words. Two syllable words. Things happen so quickly with babies, like crawling to pulling up to standing to cruising to walking. But words are slower. Not so for this girl. She has taken off. We hear Christy, puppy, baby, Drew, James, Daddy, Mom, cat, duck, quack-quack, ball, football, mine, more, bye-bye and a myriad of others. It's still very apparent that there are some really large learning gaps, however, which we are working on. She can say several words, but does not understand the meaning of "in" "behind" etc. However, she knows up and down, and signs those really well. She can say all the names at daycare, and although we have to listen very carefully, it's very apparent that she is communicating quite well for having the communication skills of a 6-9 month old a month and a half ago. I would say we are at the 12-18 month old mark now, which is exciting. We are still working on transitioning here out of the Early Intervention Program with the AEA and going to an IEP, which will still allow her to get the help she needs, just in a different capacity. She will then have an IEP when she goes to school, if she doesn't successfully test out when she finally begins school.
Beyond her speech, we have seen a huge difference in her behavior. She is more helpful, wants to play, is less aggressive and overall, much happier. Sometimes, she is absolute pure joy. She makes us laugh, loves playing with James and Drew, and is starting to really understand what we say to her and what is going on.
Since we have taken Catherine off her medicine, I have taken a break from researching what is going on with her, but I do believe there are still some major sensitivities she has, including a lot of food, artificial food dyes, and too much sugar. Of course, no one wants to give their kid "too much sugar" (at least I would hope...), but in Catherine's case, something as simple as a Dum-Dum makes her go nuts. She won't sleep most of the night, and is a bear for a couple of days. Same for when she has any artificial food dyes, mostly Red 40. Blue 1 and Yellow 5 don't seem to have such an effect on her, but Red 40 turns her into a psycho. Seems like a rude way to put it, but seriously, nothing except an exorcism seems appropriate when she has Red 40. So we are very careful to watch her food intake. She also seems to have developed a cross-reaction to grapes (and raisins). I don't think that necessarily means it just showed up, but maybe it was masked by some of the greater symptoms she was showing when on the medicine. So we have cut out grapes and raisins as well. Doesn't leave much for her to eat, but we are managing.
Essential Oils
Beyond that, I have started her on essential oils. Considering most anti-biotics are colored, and most of the anti-biotics we have tried in the past month have turned her into a psycho, I have decided to try and treat things naturally. I have never been a "granola mom" but I was turned onto more homeopathic methods when Drew (and I) got thrush, and I was able to get rid of it in three days with grapefruit seed extract and coconut oil. Whereas the nystantin took WEEKS and a lot of moms I talked to said it never really helped. Our pediatrician is on board with it, for the most part, and agrees that anything that works for her (and us) is a good plan. So far, I think I have treated a yeast infection with it only, but I do diffuse lavender in her room, which is supposed to be calming, and I can tell a difference. I still don't consider myself a granola mom, but I do think that natural isn't necessarily a bad thing.
James
Currently, James is passed out on the couch with a nasty respiratory infection. I have been treating that with essential oils which has helped his fever and cough, but honestly I think he just needs rest. But he LOVES school and is so smart! At conferences, Miss Annon, his teacher, said he is well beyond what he needs to know for Kindergarten. I am attempting to make the decision on whether I want James to go Bondurant or to stay at SEP. I am leaning more toward Bondurant as that is where I work and I would like to take him to and from work with me, but we will see. The only thing keeping me at SEP is that he has made friends there.
I guess we will see what Eric and I decide later.
Drew
You turned 9 months old!!! And you are a bruiser, clocking in at 21 pounds and 28 inches. I decided about three weeks ago that I was going to stop breastfeeding. To be honest, it was very personal for me and I will remember the last time I nursed you, but I AM SO GLAD TO BE DONE. Holy hell, what a lot of work it is and I quit because I wanted to. I knew I could keep going, but I was tired, you were getting a ton of teeth, I was sore a lot, and I was just ready to not have to pump at work. Eric was really supportive, as usual, and the day I made my decision came with no regrets. It was glorious and a pretty easy transition! Goodbye nursing tanks! I wish I could say goodbye to my nursing bras, but I still need them as my boobs have decided not to go anywhere. Even three (or four) weeks later... weird.
You are crawling all over the place, and per my children, you are ruining several onesies as you are an army crawler. You get up on your hands and knees, but you only do that to get a better look at what's on he window seat, hearth, or platform to our stairs. You are FAST at army crawling too! You palm your bottle (full of glorious formula!) and have started refusing any baby food. It's straight up human food for you. Hot dogs, corn, french fries, fruit etc. I thought you might be allergic to some fruit like Catherine, but I think your tummy just wasn't ready for it. Now you seem to do fine with it. You still wake up once every night, drink 8 ounces and then fall back to sleep, but it's so much easier as I can just make you a bottle before bed and when you wake up, hand it to you.
You have hit a triple whammy, right along with James, as you have a double ear infection, you are teething, have some sort of nasty sinus infection, and a boil on your butt (so gross!!!!). BUT you are still a happy, smiley baby, just with snot all over your face and drool on your clothes. It's amazing how incredibly happy you are. You love playing with Catherine or James, and now that Catherine doesn't beat the shit out of you, you especially love following her around. You can army crawl laps around the house, following a ball that you "throw" until you fall asleep in your spot. I love watching you, and miss the cuddles we had during our nursing sessions, but like I have said before, I am ready to be done with this part of my life. I think that's what it all came down to when I decided to stop nursing, in that I was just READY TO BE DONE. I am already gearing up for my garage sale in June, and this time I am actually positive I will not be pregnant while I am selling all my baby stuff. Even though it is physically impossible thanks to Eric's surgery in March, I am going to pee on a stick just in case. The man does have 56+ first cousins, so it's not out of the realm of possibility.
Every time I play a wedding (as we're Catholic, so I do so for our church a lot), I chuckle to myself when the priest asks if the couple will accept children lovingly from God. We sure accepted you, and you are a miracle. You make our family crazier, but you make it so much more complete than I thought you could.
This crazy life is mine, these crazy children are mine, and through the ups and downs, I remember that I am blessed beyond measure.
I love you, my sweet, sweet babies.
There are so many things to update about, so I'll begin with the most pressing, uplifting, and really really beautiful.
Catherine
Here we are, only about a month and a half off of the allergy medicine that really seemed to wreak havoc on Catherine's body and mind, and she is saying two syllable words. Two syllable words. Things happen so quickly with babies, like crawling to pulling up to standing to cruising to walking. But words are slower. Not so for this girl. She has taken off. We hear Christy, puppy, baby, Drew, James, Daddy, Mom, cat, duck, quack-quack, ball, football, mine, more, bye-bye and a myriad of others. It's still very apparent that there are some really large learning gaps, however, which we are working on. She can say several words, but does not understand the meaning of "in" "behind" etc. However, she knows up and down, and signs those really well. She can say all the names at daycare, and although we have to listen very carefully, it's very apparent that she is communicating quite well for having the communication skills of a 6-9 month old a month and a half ago. I would say we are at the 12-18 month old mark now, which is exciting. We are still working on transitioning here out of the Early Intervention Program with the AEA and going to an IEP, which will still allow her to get the help she needs, just in a different capacity. She will then have an IEP when she goes to school, if she doesn't successfully test out when she finally begins school.
Beyond her speech, we have seen a huge difference in her behavior. She is more helpful, wants to play, is less aggressive and overall, much happier. Sometimes, she is absolute pure joy. She makes us laugh, loves playing with James and Drew, and is starting to really understand what we say to her and what is going on.
Since we have taken Catherine off her medicine, I have taken a break from researching what is going on with her, but I do believe there are still some major sensitivities she has, including a lot of food, artificial food dyes, and too much sugar. Of course, no one wants to give their kid "too much sugar" (at least I would hope...), but in Catherine's case, something as simple as a Dum-Dum makes her go nuts. She won't sleep most of the night, and is a bear for a couple of days. Same for when she has any artificial food dyes, mostly Red 40. Blue 1 and Yellow 5 don't seem to have such an effect on her, but Red 40 turns her into a psycho. Seems like a rude way to put it, but seriously, nothing except an exorcism seems appropriate when she has Red 40. So we are very careful to watch her food intake. She also seems to have developed a cross-reaction to grapes (and raisins). I don't think that necessarily means it just showed up, but maybe it was masked by some of the greater symptoms she was showing when on the medicine. So we have cut out grapes and raisins as well. Doesn't leave much for her to eat, but we are managing.
Essential Oils
Beyond that, I have started her on essential oils. Considering most anti-biotics are colored, and most of the anti-biotics we have tried in the past month have turned her into a psycho, I have decided to try and treat things naturally. I have never been a "granola mom" but I was turned onto more homeopathic methods when Drew (and I) got thrush, and I was able to get rid of it in three days with grapefruit seed extract and coconut oil. Whereas the nystantin took WEEKS and a lot of moms I talked to said it never really helped. Our pediatrician is on board with it, for the most part, and agrees that anything that works for her (and us) is a good plan. So far, I think I have treated a yeast infection with it only, but I do diffuse lavender in her room, which is supposed to be calming, and I can tell a difference. I still don't consider myself a granola mom, but I do think that natural isn't necessarily a bad thing.
James
Currently, James is passed out on the couch with a nasty respiratory infection. I have been treating that with essential oils which has helped his fever and cough, but honestly I think he just needs rest. But he LOVES school and is so smart! At conferences, Miss Annon, his teacher, said he is well beyond what he needs to know for Kindergarten. I am attempting to make the decision on whether I want James to go Bondurant or to stay at SEP. I am leaning more toward Bondurant as that is where I work and I would like to take him to and from work with me, but we will see. The only thing keeping me at SEP is that he has made friends there.
I guess we will see what Eric and I decide later.
Drew
You turned 9 months old!!! And you are a bruiser, clocking in at 21 pounds and 28 inches. I decided about three weeks ago that I was going to stop breastfeeding. To be honest, it was very personal for me and I will remember the last time I nursed you, but I AM SO GLAD TO BE DONE. Holy hell, what a lot of work it is and I quit because I wanted to. I knew I could keep going, but I was tired, you were getting a ton of teeth, I was sore a lot, and I was just ready to not have to pump at work. Eric was really supportive, as usual, and the day I made my decision came with no regrets. It was glorious and a pretty easy transition! Goodbye nursing tanks! I wish I could say goodbye to my nursing bras, but I still need them as my boobs have decided not to go anywhere. Even three (or four) weeks later... weird.
You are crawling all over the place, and per my children, you are ruining several onesies as you are an army crawler. You get up on your hands and knees, but you only do that to get a better look at what's on he window seat, hearth, or platform to our stairs. You are FAST at army crawling too! You palm your bottle (full of glorious formula!) and have started refusing any baby food. It's straight up human food for you. Hot dogs, corn, french fries, fruit etc. I thought you might be allergic to some fruit like Catherine, but I think your tummy just wasn't ready for it. Now you seem to do fine with it. You still wake up once every night, drink 8 ounces and then fall back to sleep, but it's so much easier as I can just make you a bottle before bed and when you wake up, hand it to you.
You have hit a triple whammy, right along with James, as you have a double ear infection, you are teething, have some sort of nasty sinus infection, and a boil on your butt (so gross!!!!). BUT you are still a happy, smiley baby, just with snot all over your face and drool on your clothes. It's amazing how incredibly happy you are. You love playing with Catherine or James, and now that Catherine doesn't beat the shit out of you, you especially love following her around. You can army crawl laps around the house, following a ball that you "throw" until you fall asleep in your spot. I love watching you, and miss the cuddles we had during our nursing sessions, but like I have said before, I am ready to be done with this part of my life. I think that's what it all came down to when I decided to stop nursing, in that I was just READY TO BE DONE. I am already gearing up for my garage sale in June, and this time I am actually positive I will not be pregnant while I am selling all my baby stuff. Even though it is physically impossible thanks to Eric's surgery in March, I am going to pee on a stick just in case. The man does have 56+ first cousins, so it's not out of the realm of possibility.
Every time I play a wedding (as we're Catholic, so I do so for our church a lot), I chuckle to myself when the priest asks if the couple will accept children lovingly from God. We sure accepted you, and you are a miracle. You make our family crazier, but you make it so much more complete than I thought you could.
This crazy life is mine, these crazy children are mine, and through the ups and downs, I remember that I am blessed beyond measure.
I love you, my sweet, sweet babies.
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