8 months and 2 days. Today is Allan's birthday. I also came home to help mom with the estate sale. I cried on the way up. I cried when I got here. I cried when I went into the shop. I cried when Eric left me alone to wait for mom to get back from her class.
I was in your shop and I became obsessed with taking everything in. But yet, I didn't want to be there. I keep looking for you. I keep wanting to get some sort of feeling of you. But it's not there. I just scoured the house looking for the orange shirt you wore all the time. Mom said she didn't throw it away, but all your stuff is gone from her closet. I saw the picture of you in your orange shirt with Jack when he was just a baby. You look so happy with him. And you're wearing that orange shirt. I have to have to have to touch it. I don't know why. I looked everywhere for it. I couldn't find it. I just don't know where else to look.
I miss you so much it hurts. It hurts almost all the time. I try to keep myself busy but sometimes, it doesn't help.
God I miss you.
