Dear Dad

For some reason, I've been thinking back to Feb. 6 and the events thereafter a lot this week. Somedays I felt like I was trudging through three feet of mud and I just couldn't think. I was happy with my life, but deep down there was something that was keeping me from enjoying it.

I had a student walk into my office today and tell me he lost his dad in December. He looked right at me and said, "I was just wondering, how do you get through it?" I almost had to laugh, but somehow, looking back, I have gotten through it. I'm still getting through it. Now it's just much easier. I told him one day at a time. I realized, that's all I did. One day at a time. I look back on my blogs, which now feel like they're from another lifetime, and really, that's how I did things. Some days were good days, some days were bad. You can see that in my posts. You can read so many more things than what I wrote on those pages.

He said he doesn't cry, he just spaces. Most likely, he's exactly where I was not too long ago - it's still not real. At some points during the summer, I thought he would just walk in the door or call me up. The reality hit me at the beginning of the year I think. He's never coming back. I told this student he just goes through it - there's no other way. It's not like you can press a button and eject yourself from this life. This is it - the good, the bad and for this, the unimaginable. You just take it one day at a time.

I felt like this is your way of telling me I have to stay in teaching. You sly devil, you knew I've been thinking about leaving...always like you dad - make me think twice about things. Make me think very hard on if this is the decision I want to make. You always show up at the funniest times.

And instead of weeping with sadness, I'm actually smiling. You sly devil...

Love you and thanks for the advice...ha! :)

Laura