It's official!

This is the picture I sent your Grandma Dudding with the subject of "Hi Grandma!" and in the email I wrote, "I'm so excited to meet you May 9th! Baby Engels"

Then your dad and I skyped with her, sent her the email and watched her open it. She was pretty excited and says she can't wait!

Your dad was pretty excited! So excited he didn't even think that I had to pee on that stick before he picked it up so I could get a picture!

Grapes, Apples and Bananas, oh my!

My God. You are wreaking havoc on my life.

But in a good way. :)

As I said when I found out, I wish I could take it back. Now I'm glad I can't.

I've embraced the fact that I have a small pouch. A small pouch that no one will notice. People will only notice that I've "gained weight" - in what's really water retention, bloating, and you.

So let me go through all the terrible things you are putting me through.

1) Morning sickness isn't just morning sickness. It's momentary sickness. One moment, I will be fine. The other moment, I'm not so sure. It comes and goes and it's horrible when it comes, but I'm oh-so-thankful when it goes!!1
2) My diet has been thrown into high gear. I can no longer eat crap, like I tried doing last Sunday night. That threw me (and you) into a tailspin of nausea that I was positive would end me up with my head in the toilet. But alas, I survived and after spending Monday in bed, felt good enough to get up.
3) My clothes are getting tighter. I'm having a hard time getting into my jeans - they fit all over except for the stomach. I can button the button, but it's uncomfortable and quite frankly, I'd prefer not too b/c it's more comfortable that way.
4) I wake up in the middle of the night. Every night. Mainly to pee.

But with each one of these things comes something wonderful... you. Each time I feel sick, it's a reminder that you're here. I am thankful you are forcing me to eat more healthily. My clothes are getting tighter, but it'll be exciting to be a cute pregnant woman. And I wake up in the middle of the night, not only to pee, but because I'm so excited for you to get here.

And we have 33 long weeks to go.

But no worries. You'll be here soon enough. And we can't wait.

"As soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen." -Winnie the Pooh

An adventure is right. I only found out a few nights ago that I was pregnant, but it's been a whirlwind already!

I was on a business trip and having strange cramps. I thought for sure I was getting my period, but every time I ran to the bathroom, there was nothing there.

Your dad and I had decided that it was time to try for Baby E #1. We were scared and skeptical and it was kind of crazy even thinking about it, but we were both in a good place (besides the fact that your father broke his hand and had surgery on August 11, the day before we were "supposed" to start trying to conceive...) mentally, emotionally and hopefully financially.

So we tried and I didn't expect much. My best friend (who you will meet and grow to love through the years, I'm sure) and her husband have been trying for quite some time, and following a miscarriage, have been unsuccessful. I thought for sure we would be trying for at least a couple of months.

I was pretty excited about it more for the shock factor. You'll probably figure out, as your mother, I like to throw curve balls. It's always fun to catch people off guard, but your father had other ideas. As soon as we both agreed we were ready for you to be in our lives, he told everyone he came into contact with. It could have been the pain pills he was on when he broke his hand, but he told your Grandma and Grandpa Engels, a bunch of his friends and really everyone including the mailman (not really, but you get the idea.)

So I don't think it was any surprise when we went to a get-together with a bunch of our friends (who already have children...some have 2...) and I wasn't drinking (you'll also realize, as your mother, that I like my wine). No one said anything to me, so obviously, the shock factor won't be there. I guess it might with a few people, as I haven't told everyone I know yet... unless your father has.

ANYWAY - I came home that Thursday night (the 1st of September) and was curious. I had bought pregnancy tests in hopes of you, and had taken two already, but both were negative. Although over the course of 24 hours, one turned to positive, which your dad let me know about over the phone. I told him it was a fluke and he seemed very disappointed.

As I was driving home that Thursday night I remember talking on the phone to your dad, telling him about these weird cramps and I didn't know if it was my period coming or maybe we were pregnant. I remember him saying in this high-pitched, overly-exaggerated voice, "Oh my Gawd, we're PREGNANT!" I have to tell you, your dad has wanted you for quite a while. So he seemed pretty excited at the possibility, but I knew he didn't want to get his hopes up.

So I got home Thursday night and screwed around on the computer. I remember being so incredibly tired, so I decided about 11:15 to go up to bed. I thought I might as well take a pregnancy test, just to see. I told your dad earlier that I might take one, but I don't think he remembered as I went up to bed.

So I took a home pregnancy test, carefully laid it on the bathroom counter, ran water in the sink to wash my face, changed into my pajamas, then went back to the bathroom to wash my face - all this time forgetting about the pregnancy test because I expected it to come out negative. The cramps I was having HAD to just be period cramps, right?

But as I walked into the bathroom, grabbed the face wash from the shower behind the sink, I remembered the pregnancy test. I turned around much faster and there it was - two blue lines. And "as soon as I saw you, I knew an adventure was going to happen."

I remember thinking (pardon my language) "Holy shit." I just looked at myself in the mirror, my mind going much faster than a million miles a minute (like it normally does, right?). I wasn't sure if I needed to call up Eric, or just wait to surprise him when he came upstairs. I washed my face, thinking about everything that was about to change in our lives. I was going to get fat. Selfish, I know, but I've always been proud of keeping myself looking good, and I don't want to get fat. I kept thinking about how badly I wanted to tell my dad, your Grandpa, who I am so sorry you won't ever have the absolutely blessing to know. He was an amazing person. I kept thinking of how I would want to surprise people by telling them - not really HOW to surprise them, just that I couldn't wait to actually surprise them.

I turned off the water, dried off my face, and listened to your dad turn off the TV, walk around locking doors and windows. Then turning off the lights. Then walking upstairs. I just stood at the bathroom sink, looking in the mirror at my face, looking for signs of being pregnant. Did I look any different?

Your dad came upstairs, walked past the bathroom and while he did, looked at me and said something. For God's sake, I had been tearing up, so my eyes were red-rimmed and I looked panicked. At least, to myself I did...but your dad doesn't really notice those things. He walked into our bedroom, turned on the TV, walked around looking for something. All the while, I'm peeking out the doorway, looking at him, waiting for him to turn around and look at me so he can at least read my face!

I grabbed the test, held myself and the test halfway out the doorway and waited patiently for him to notice me. He didn't. So I finally said, "Eric." He turned, looked at me, looked at my hand holding the test and said, "Oh my God. Oh my God!" Your dad was so excited...he's been waiting for this for so long.

And the first thing I could say was: "I want to take it back." Your dad laughed to himself, but in that one second, I wasn't prepared for it. Saying we would like to be pregnant and then actually being pregnant are two different things. All I could think of, being the negative one in this relationship, were all the negative things that come along with being pregnant. Getting fat, being uncomfortable and not getting to wear my cute clothes that I own for one.

Your dad replied with, "You want to take it back?!" That's when I explained it - but it was such a shock to me. I didn't know how I was supposed to react to the news. Then I told him I wish my dad were here so I could tell him. And you're wise old dad said, "He knows." And he's right - in all of this, my dad is the first person that knew and knew probably before we did. And I know he couldn't be more happy for us. :)

So then your dad and I couldn't get to sleep and couldn't get to sleep, even though we were both exhausted. But, we did and when I took another pregnancy test in the morning, it confirmed everything we thought.

You're here. And we couldn't be more excited.