Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Unbreakable

The word unbreakable means a lot of things to me. Unbreakable means I survived my dad's death. Unbreakable means I survived my four years of teaching hell and I'm back in the classroom, doing what I absolutely love, and back to myself as a human being. Unbreakable means that my relationship with Eric is that strong, after everything that we've been through (that story is for another day). Unbreakable means that I can birth a 9 pound baby, who has truly completed me as a person. Unbreakable means that with the weight of the world on my shoulders, I made it. I made it. If I could describe myself in one word, it would be unbreakable.

Just getting a tattoo after all this time is a reminder of the conversation my dad and I had about getting a tattoo after I turned 18, when he thought a doodle on my foot really was a tattoo. The placement of this tattoo represents that fact that with the weight of the world on my shoulders, I have survived. The placement of this tattoo on the left side is the same side as my heart, which my little boy stole, and my dad's memories are tucked deep inside. The word itself is a representation of everything I have been through. And most importantly, the font, which is my dad's handwriting, is representative that my dad is always with me.

I know, that with this tattoo, I truly am unbreakable.


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

14 Months!

You are getting to be quite the little ham. You love making people laugh, and do it for me on a regularly basis. The other night you farted, and immediately after, you burped, sending you into a fit of giggles. Don't worry, I laughed too. It was pretty hilarious.

You are walking so much faster and better now! I would say it's a light jog on most days, but to you, it's probably just a brisk walk. You are talking so much more. There are so many things you say consistently, I just have no idea what they are.

I'm pretty sure I have narrowed down "mom mom" and "dad." You love saying "I do!" and "Achoo!" You also say "this" and "that" probably because we say it all the time. Although it comes out as "dis" and "dat" I know you learned it from your good ole' mom and dad always saying, "Do you want this?" or "Can i have that?" You can say ball, but I'm not sure you know what you're saying. I can point to nearly anything and you go fetch it and bring it right back. Usually, when I stick my hand out and say, "Can I have that?" Aha, just typing that confirmed the aforementioned! I'll have to work on that! You say "na-na" for snack, or really anytime you're hungry, that's your word. "Na-na" means "You better have food ready for me in 10 seconds, or I'll start to scream."

You are obsessed with wheels. You don't ride in the cozy coupe, you push it around. I gave up the thought of buying you a tricycle as I know you'll just push it around. You push around Mr. Lion. You push around chairs, even though they don't have wheels. As long as they move, you're usually happy. You can blow us kisses, which is the sweetest thing. You love giving high-five's, and when you aren't getting something, you throw your arms and hands in a downward motion to hit your stomach. It honestly looks like it hurts and I usually just keep letting you carry on, since I'm not the type of mom to cave. Sorry buddy!

You are the most fun in the mornings. You love love LOVE it when we knock on the door and then come in to surprise you. You always breathe harder and faster when you get excited and it's hilarious!

You play so well on your own. You're so easy to manage, 99% of the time. And when you're not, it's either because you're tired or hungry.

You most definitely know the meaning of no, especially when I use my special "mom" voice that has a lot of resonance and carries very far. I have only ever used it when you go for the burner knobs on the stove. That usually stops you in your tracks, and you figure out something else to do very quickly.

You love love LOVE taking utensils out of the drawers. Holy lord, on any given knight, we have a cheese slicer, pizza cutter and spatula adorning our kitchen floor. And usually, I don't pick it up until the next morning because I"m too tired. You love the magnets on the fridge - especially if you can get them off the fridge by brushing them with your hands. I've moved all the magnets above your little reach. Again, sorry buddy.

You love to flush the toilet, which is hilarious. We've trained you to flush the toilet only after we go to the bathroom. You love watching the toilet paper go down the hole! Then we've trained you to close the lid (good thinking mommy, that will come in handy later!) and you clap for yourself when we say, "Good job, James!" Then we turn off the light when we walk out and usually close the door so you're not in there the entire afternoon or morning flushing the toilet.

You're so hilarious. I thought when you were just a tiny baby that that was my favorite age. But this by far outweighs that. I love watching you discover things, and I love watching you problem solve. You are such a good problem solver! Tonight, I watched you duck under the table to get around an obstacle that was created by your baby pool, which was folded against the side of the house. Genius.

You have no interest in watching TV. If you do, it's because there are brightly moving objects on the screen. It's because you love the outdoors that you don't like TV and for that, I am one thankful mama. Too many kids sit in front of the TV. Outside is where you want to be, which makes me scared for what the winter months will bring.

"Redirection" for you is non-existent. When you want something, or want to do something, you are hard-headed like your mama. If you want to go up the stairs, then by God, we are going upstairs. When you want to come down, we are coming down. makes it hard for us to get things done, but it's a work in progress.

When we put you in your crib, it's lights out for you. Not that I have any comparison what-so-ever, but you are one of the easiest babies to put down. When you're tired, you rub your eyes, flick your ears, and generally like to snuggle. It's a sure sign that someone's ready for a nap, or bedtime, and we listen. It's a smooth process and for that, I'll be eternally grateful.

You don't smile very much when we're taking your picture. You used to love your picture being taken, and smile so big for us, but that has gone away. We have to try to make you smile, which isn't always the easiest thing to do. Certainly not like putting you down for a nap!

A couple weeks ago, we had an appointment for an allergist. When you were 6 months old, we fed you eggs. You ended up making choking noises, then threw up not even 5 minutes after. Everywhere on your body were red splotches, where the puke had landed. It was about that time that you started having some pretty bad eczema outbreaks on your back and the tops of your arms. Sometimes on your neck and on your chest too, but it was pretty much confined to the aforementioned spaces.

A few months later, the babysitter gave you scrambled eggs, and the same thing happened. We decided that you just didn't like eggs? We had no idea. But after doing a few google searches on eczema, I realized that the words "egg allergy" were a direct correlation in some babies. Could it have been that way for you too?

So at your one year appointment, our doctor reluctantly made an appointment at an allergist after we told her we thought you might have an egg allergy. So off to the allergist we went.

She began the appointment by asking, "What makes you think he has an egg allergy?" Needless to say, I wasn't very thrilled that's how the appointment started, but I explained my hypothesis and thought it would be good to get him checked out.

They did the skin prick test, and with seconds, the spots with egg white and egg yolk began to puff up and get swollen. It looked like little bug bites. When the nurse came in halfway through the waiting period, the redness was beginning to spread.

I felt validated as a mom and really wanted to put my hands on my head and say "Na-na-na-na-na-naaaa!" But refrained.

After the feeling of validity went away, I was terrified. Oh my God, you have an egg allergy. Egg is in everything. The terror that I felt at that moment was 10 fold the moment that they stuck a little needle in your arm to draw blood.

But no blood came out. they tried the other arm, your hands, your leg. Nothing. I had to wait with you, screaming, while we waited for the life-flight nurses in the hospital to come and draw it out of your foot. It was terrifying and I felt helpless. One of the worst feelings in my life.

Once the blood work came in, we discovered your allergy is a 2 on a 0-6 scale, 6 being life-threatening and 0 being no allergy present. They asked if I wanted to make another appointment in 3 months to get you re-tested and see where you were at. Hmmm, see if you have gone from a 2 to a 1, or even just remained at a 2, or sit for another 45 minutes while they poke and prod you, and you go from screaming to whimpering because you're so tired from screaming? I'll pass, thanks. I'll do my own allergy testing at home, first with baked goods, since those are a big no-no for three months, and then again with actual scrambled eggs if that helps.

I have noticed that since we are watching what we give you, and making sure there is no egg in it, your eczema has completely cleared up. Amazing.

I love you, little man. Even in your most frustrating moments, you have my heart.