Battle of the Body Image: Week 20

Here I am, Week 20 postpartum and although I have lost the bulge, the hips don't lie. I hate them.

I hate that my boobs are too big for most of my shirts. I hate that although my jeans button, my love handles stick out. I hate that my nursing bras cut into my back fat. I hate that my tummy flops over said jeans-that-button. I hate that all my dress pants, for some reason, don't button. Or zip all the way. I hate that I still walk weird because said hips-that-dont-lie are loosy-goosey. I feel unstable on my feet. I think I look tired 99% of the time, probably because I am. I am not as well put together as I could be, because it's either put my shit together or sleep for another half hour. I will take sleep, hands down.

I hate the postpartum body. I hate the postpartum period. I hate the postpartum. Period.

I can't be happy with the 156.4 I saw on the scale this morning because although I weigh less than I did when I fit into those dress-pants-that-dont-button, I don't fit into those dress pants that don't button. Its frustrating.

Each day, I wake up with an idea of what I'd like to wear. And every outfit gets changed because I don't like how I look in it, even though its a skirt I have had since I was a sophomore, or a shirt that has been a staple in my wardrobe for years. That is also frustrating.

I have learned to throw together outfits quickly, cover them with my jean jacket or a sweater and feel halfway decent. But until I can see me how my husband sees me, I will continue to look like a tired, strung out mom with two kids, two years apart.

Hips don't lie.