Dear Dad

Everyday I think about your laugh - the one you had when someone surprised you by saying something really funny. And you'd put your hand over your mouth and laugh. That one. I just don't want to forget it. 

Everyday I think about Mom - how is she doing today? Was it a good day or a bad day? Is she going to be ok? 

Everyday I think about my brothers and how I miss them so much. 

Everyday I think about one memory I have of you just to keep it alive. 

Everyday I have to take one deep breath before diving into my classroom just to keep it together in front of my students. 

Everyday there's something new that creeps up which I haven't done since you died. Everytime I do it, I cry. 

Everyday I wonder what I would be like if you didn't help raise me. 

Everyday I think about something I would love to tell you at that moment. 

Everyday I wonder about what I would really say if I had the chance to say one last thing to you.

Everyday I am happy I made the effort to forge a better relationship with you. It was pretty good in the end. 

Everyday I regret not throwing a glass of hot water in the air on the day the high was -12. It would have given us something more to talk about. 

Everyday I wonder if you knew you were sick. If you knew your time was coming. Was that why you ordered Mom roses? Is that why you didn't have any projects half-finished? Is that why you spend Superbowl Sunday with all your friends? 

Everyday I wonder if I'm going to make it through my next concert. And the one after that. And the one after that. 

Everyday I wonder if there will be a day where I DON'T read your eulogy over and over and over again. 

Everyday I wonder if and when I'm going to cry.

Everyday I'm thankful for you. For the things you did for me, the things you taught me and especially how you raised me.

Everyday I see a little of you in my husband. It's so true that we marry someone like our dad!

Everyday I miss you a little more. And things hurt a little less.