They say there are 5 stages to grief. That's bullshit. This is what I think Grief really feels like:
- The world is continuing on without you and when you shout for it to wait up, it moves faster.
- Your legs are really heavy but it feels like you're floating.
- People talk to you but you can't hear what they're saying. When you replay the conversation in your head later, all you can remember is their actions.
- You just don't fucking understand.
- You have this ridiculous desire to have children.
- You try and learn everything you can about their death and what lead up to it. Even if it's nearly impossible to fathom.
- One single still-life picture of them from a random memory in your life keeps popping up in your head.
- You get really angry at the wrong people. Sometimes for no reason.
- You desperately want to call everyone that had any contact with them. And just talk. Even if you don't know them that well.
- You have a hard time doing the things you love.
- You see people that look like them. And think it is them. And it's uncomfortable because you know your heart is just playing tricks on you.
- You think over and over that had I done it differently, I would have said, "I love you" at the end.
I miss you dad. And love you just as much. This doesn't get easier...but I am getting used to it.
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