40+4 Weeks Pregnant and The Cardinal

And so here I am.

Last night and today have had a ton of deja vu moments, including me lying on our hammock in the sun trying to alleviate myself to this horrible pelvic pain (and yes, it works and is glorious!) and the Attack of the Hormones, which targeted my husband after working a 13 hour day yesterday (sorry babe! I love you!)

At times, with James' pregnancy, I was worse off than I am now. More pain, I was heavier, he had dropped significantly earlier and I was more dialated and effaced with him.

With baby girl, I'm much lighter, I don't always feel 40 weeks pregnant and James helps me to keep my mind off things.

Last night, I was a mess. At 3:00 a.m. I was a mess. This morning, I was a mess.

My neighbor/James' daycare provider, took him with her family to a graduation, where they stayed all day. She picked him up at 9:30 a.m. and dropped him off at 4:30 p.m. Which gave Eric and I some much needed time to spend together. We haven't really done that since this past Tuesday night. We have literally just been passing each other, both trying to get things done before Baby Girl gets here, if she ever does.

So we went to Home Depot today to buy more mosaic backsplash for one of his customers, which happens to be our neighbor/James' daycare provider. So that worked out well. But he has to work on the weekends, because she has daycare during the week. Ugh. And he's trying to get it done this weekend. With an impending birth. And since I'm the one who will be doing the birthing, we're both under a lot of stress.

But I digress.

So Eric and I took a trip together, and I was able to take a one-hour cat-nap, and then relax on the hammock the rest of the afternoon.

And here I am. Sometimes, I'll have cramps, sometimes contractions that take my breath away. Most of the time, when I become active again, that's when they stop. And so the vicious cycle goes. When I was pregnant with James, all I had to do was sit around and time them and concentrate to see if they were getting stronger. Last night, about 2:00 a.m. I thought for sure we would have to head to the hospital. Nope. The excrutiating contractions that took my breath away went away at about 3:00 a.m. and were replaced with angry, desperate tears.

I am so. fucking. done. with being pregnant.

So with all this frustration, what do I see today? A cardinal. The last time I saw a cardinal was on Easter, when my mom was standing on the deck watching James play in the yard below. This cardinal literally swooped in and hovered around my mom's head for a second or two, and then flew to the nearest tree and stayed around the rest of the day. I have never seen a Cardinal hover, and even my mom commented it was weird. But I knew better...

One morning, after a particularly difficult morning wondering if I was even doing a good job with James, there was a Cardinal outside his window. And when I finally put him back down to sleep, the Cardinal showed up outside my window

Every once in awhile, this Cardinal will show up. It always seems like it's when I'm doubting myself, the things I'm doing, or really, life in general.

Little did I know, a Cardinal is supposedly the spirit of a loved one. I never knew that until a friend who actually reads this blog sent me an article on the subject. It was fascinating, and in the end, exactly what was happening to me.

It seems like every time I needed some sort of reassurance, my dad would show up.

So today, my dad showed up. Probably to tell me to stop being some hormonal psychopath and give Eric a breatk or two. Or tell me to calm down, Baby Girl will be here in due time. Or to tell me to stop eating my feelings (but those golden double stuffed oreos are so good!) Either way, it's funny how these things work.

So, little girl, if Tuesday morning is it, then I guess that's when we get to meet you. If you want to come sooner, I'm ok with that too, but I'm finally ok with you coming in a pitocin-induced haze that gives me contractions stronger than I have ever experienced.

And all because I saw the cardinal today, I know it will be the way it's meant to be. Crazy how that works...