29 Weeks!

What a week it has been. This mama is exhausted!

How far along? 29 Weeks!
Maternity clothes? Yes. I think this is the point in my last pregnancy where things were starting to get a little tight, but it looks like all my clothes are still fitting just fine. However, I have to carefully pick my t-shirts on the weekends, if I am lounging around. For example, right now, I am sitting here in my sweats and a t-shirt. Only the t-shirt barely fits over my belly, and currently had slid up so anyone looking will be able to see the bottom of my belly.
Weight gain? Yep, but only three pounds. I'm currently up to 167. Every appointment I have I really want to ask what I weighed at that particular appointment the last time I was pregnant, but I never remember to ask!
Stretch marks? Nope! God bless good genes and Bath and Body Works lotions!
Best moment this week? There were a lot this week. Thursday we had a "blizzard" so we got out of school early, which started my three day weekend early. Only I didn't have a three-day weekend, like all the other teachers, because I had to take my students to a contest that day. But luckily my transporation director called it off, so I did indeed get my three-day weekend, and I loved every single second of it. Eric was able to find the time to finish our closet, so I was finally able to hang clothes. Saturday, I had a huge burst of energy and purged a ton of clothes that I have not worn in ages. Although it was probably stupid to get rid of anything because I have been pregnant moreso than not in the past 3 years, but essentially, they were clothes that I just didn't really like anymore. Sunday my mom came to visit and I was able to finally frame a painting she bought me in Belgium 6 years ago, and I got to relax. Although the past two days have been hell thanks to rescheduled Parent-Teacher conferences and a concert last night, it was a great week.
Miss anything? Being able to move quickly, without really thinking about getting up, or having to use some sort of momentum to get up.
Movement? Yes, she's moving and scooting around right now!
Food cravings? Pineapple, candy, and water. Ice cold water. Bizarre, but that's what I've been eating and it's delicious!!!
Anything make you queasy or sick? My husband is amazing and I'm incredibly thankful for the opportunities he has had in being a business owner, but he is a contractor. Sometimes, he does the work himself. And he stinks when he comes home! Normally, I don't mind the smell of hard work, but then he'll lay around and not take a shower and he stinks!!!!!!! Ugh! Doesn't normally bother me that much when I'm not pregnant, but lately it has bothered the hell out of me. To the point where I start nagging him to get in the shower and he will actually get annoyed with me. But I can't help it!
Labor signs? I had terrible Braxton-Hicks contractions on Saturday into Sunday. They were so terrible, I found myself on my hands and knees at 3 a.m. on Sunday, breaething through them. I thought for sure we would have to go to the hospital. So I breathed through them, tried to relax and then they went away. Only it was a constant ache, with peaks and valleys. It was horrible. I thought those "practice" contractions were cute when I was pregnant with James. Not this time around. They were a pain in my ass, robbed me of any good sleep, and would not go away, no matter what I did. It was a horrible 24 hours.
Symptoms? Hormones, hormones, hormones. Oh lordy. I have a giant zit on my face to prove it. I cried tonight when I put James in time out for throwing water out of the tub. It's been a hard week for emotions, but it's to be expected, I guess.
Belly button in or out? In, but it isn't going to stay in much longer!
Linea nigra? Nothing. So bizarre!
Wedding ring on or off? On, but I've noticed that at the end of the day, it's harder to get off.
Happy or moody? Moody. Oh my God, moody.

Looking forward to: This weekend. I have nothing to do and I"m exhausted. I can't wait to sleep. 

28 Weeks! (and an update!)

Baby Girl Engels at 28 Weeks!

Hellllllllloooooooooooooooo third trimester! I thought you would never get here, but at the same time, it feels like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant.

(Update: because of the "blizzard" yesterday, our ultrasound tech wasn't busy...at all. So we had a vaginal scan to check on the placenta and then the ultrasound technician said, "Let's do a tummy scan, just for fun." Uh, ok! So we spent about 15 watching baby girl move and open her mouth and stick out her tongue. It was seriously awesome. Then the tech got another wand out, clicked a few keys on the keyboard and boom! There she was in 3D. And she looks exactly like James did! So crazy! But in all that, the placenta has moved and we are all good for a vagonal birth... Unless baby girl stays transverse with her butt at the bottom, head in the left rib cage and feet in the right. But she has plenty of time to turn! As far as the rest of the appointment, it was a long one, but worth it to see Baby Girl Engels!)

How far along? 28 Weeks! Wahoo!
Maternity clothes? Of course. Today I was wearing my brown pants, white shirt, brown flats, and a cute pearl necklace with a floral accent on the side, and a student told me I looked really pretty today. It made my day!!!!!!!!
Weight gain? I'm pretty sure only the typical 3-4 pounds (Update: I was right on the money with only 3 pounds gained). I stubbed my toe on our scale in the basement moving something else (it's buried beneath God knows what) and decided to step on it. Granted, it has never worked correctly, but I've made it work for the most part. I think I've gained a few pounds since my last appointment, taking me somewhere in the upper 160's, which I'm ok with. Some people my height would have a hard time with that weight, but to be completely honest, at 150, I look like I weigh 130. It's really bizarre, and it's not like when I weigh 150 that I actually have fat on my body. The least I've weighed in my female adulthood was a dangerous 145, and I looked anemic. It was kind of gross. So I'm pretty happy that I've only gained about 18 pounds. My pregnancy calculator said that I should gain about 11 pounds in the third trimester, which would only put me in the 170's. That's only about 20 pounds more than I would normally weigh, so I'm good with that. It's healthy, but not the unhealthy 40 pounds I gained with James!
Stretch marks? No, thankfully. Still lotioning up!
Best moment this week? Eric's mom came to visit, so we were able to escape for a night out. We went out to eat, and then saw a movie. We're really homebodies and like to be at home, or at someone else's home. We hate spending money like that, but at the same time, sometimes we need that. It was nice to sit across from Eric and talk about adult things, instead of trying to keep James occupied. Not to mention we had a snow day on Monday, so we were able to take some time to work on our master bedroom/closet/bathroom remodel, which was nice. One of our favorite things to do together are home renovations and we've done them all - remodeled bedrooms, bathrooms, our living room and dining room, sided our house, put in new windows, insulated our attic, finished our basement. All by ourselves. Although it was hard to move being almost 28 weeks pregnant, it was also nice to give my husband shit about how he grunts when he's exerting a lot of energy. It took me back to our pre-children days. :)
Miss anything? As of right now, not really. Everything is really falling into place!
Movement? Yes, and only on one side, which is odd. And usually, a ton after I eat (duh) and 9:30 or so at night, which is annoying! You also love to move during the night and wake me up when you're in my rib!
Food cravings? This week, it's been sweets. I've been dominating the candy jar at work, and buying candy bars that the post prom committee is selling in the teachers lounge every day. It obviously gives me more energy, but I also am craving sweet things. Which is probably where the pineapple comes in. I need to get back on that track rather than the sweets train I've been riding. But it's so good...
Anything make you queasy or sick? I can't remember what it was this week, but I wanted to puke all over the place. It was something kind of obscure and not something that I run into all the time. But oddly enough, I cannot, for the life of me, remember what it was!!!!! But I just remember wanting to gag in my mouth. And typical to my last pregnancy, someone posted a chicken recipe on facebook, complete with a picture of the chicken breast, and I wanted to barf. So, I haven't had chicken in a really long time!!!
Labor signs? TMI, but tons of mucus discharge. I remember with James at 28 weeks exactly, and the morning of my doctor appointment, I lost my mucus plug. I remember crying when telling the nurse, terrified that labor was starting and I had no idea what to do. She asked me if I was sure it was my mucus plug. YES. There is absolutely no mistaking the mucus plug. After checking me, the doctor assured me that yes, I did lose my mucus plug, BUT the mucus plug usually regenerates if you lose it too early and don't go into labor. Seriously? So I've been looking for that to happen again, but luckily, nothing! Although this time, I'd say I'm much better prepared! 
Symptoms? Pregnancy insomnia is back (shit!). It sucks. Could be a direct correlation to all the sweets I've been eating??
Belly button in or out? In, but barely. I'm waiting for it to finally pop!
Linea nigra? Nope! Smooth belly!
Wedding ring on or off? On!
Happy or moody? It's been off and on moody this week, thanks to me being so tired.
Looking forward to: TOMORROW! We have our ultrasound, my glucola test, and our 28 week appointment. I'll be anxious to hear what they have to say about the placenta. Hopefully all is well! :)

27 Weeks!

This week has really been a good one, considering I'm starting to feel the aches that come with pregnancy. I can typically move as quickly as I'm used to (power walking down the halls, running around my classroom while I'm teaching, but usually by the afternoon, I'm starting to feel it and I'm moving so much slower. It's tough, but it's been better than before!

How far along? 27 weeks! The third trimester is just around the corner!!!!! Wahoo!
Maternity clothes? Yes, and I treated myself to some new ones. I bought the cutest Motherhood Maternity brown pants and burgundy pants. The pink ones I ordered off the internet are too big (boo!) so I think those might have to be returned. So sad! But like I told Eric, I earned some extra money and wanted to buy something that I feel comfortable and good in. That's important as a professional and a woman. So maybe people let themselves "go" during pregnancy, and I don't want to be one of those. I think I have too much pride! I also bought a new white shirt that I can throw with the black, brown or burgundy jeans and put on a scarf and viola - minimal dressing time with maximum effect. Every preggo needs an easy outfit (or two...)
Weight gain? Doubtful that it's anything more than a few pounds - although the Post Prom committee has had snacks for sale in the break room and I happen to have a few spare dollars on me every once in awhile, so I've been buying my share of snickers bars. But all my clothes still fit like they have, so I don't think it's been much.
Stretch marks? No, thankfully. I was rubbing my belly one day to help alleviate some cramps (or so I think it helps alleviate cramps, but I doubt it...) and she said, "Mrs. Engels! Don't scratch! You'll get stretch marks!!!" Hilarious.
Best moment this week? We have had the Iowa Assessments at school today, so each class I teach has been half of what I normally teach. Therefore, I have so much more energy at the end of the day. It's been great to be able to get work done while the students are testing and being able to just relax for a couple hours before I have to start teaching.
Miss anything? My crotch hurts when I wake up in the morning, from my one of two sleeping positions (right side or left side...) I miss it not hurting, I guess, but then again, that's what I always seem to say. I miss my pre-pregnancy wardrobe. It's just hanging there, gathering dust. Sad day.
Movement? Lots of little movements, which makes me think you're bigger than the 2 pounds they say you are at this point. It seems like your movements are always in the same place, so I also am curious about your position
Food cravings? Pineapple. Duh. I wonder if I'll ever get sick of it. Anything spicy is good.
Anything make you queasy or sick? Not that I know of!
Labor signs? No - thankfully! 
Symptoms? Pregnancy insomnia is gone (thank God!) but I have been waking up at least once a night to go to the bathroom. Thankfully only once though. Otherwise, just the ole stretchin' of the lady parts! Wahoo!
Belly button in or out? In, but it will be out soon I'm sure!
Linea nigra? Nothing, still! So weird...
Wedding ring on or off? On!
Happy or moody? Generally really really happy and it's been awesome.
Looking forward to: Next week we have our ultrasound to see how the placenta is doing! I can't wait to see you again, Baby Girl!

21 Months!

You are such a little boy now! My goodness! It always throws me off when I see how much you're picking up. Tonight, we went to the store to buy daddy's Valentine's day gift (much needed BOXERS), and you tried to push the door. I told you you had to pull, and you did! Crazy!

You are talking so much and it's so much fun to watch you with your little friends at daycare! I love going to pick you up early and just watching you run around with Ella. It seems as thought Ella might be your bestie, and I think you might have a crush on her. We're in luck in that they live right across the cul-de-sac too, so you are able to look out your bedroom window and hopefully NOT into hers. :) But you can at least see her house. Yesterday when I picked you up from daycare, you two were chasing each other around, kissing each other! It was adorable!

Christy, our babysitter, loves you and is always telling you how much you help at daycare, and what a joy you are. It's always nice to hear that you are, truly, a good little boy who simply has his bad moments.

Speaking of which, you are starting to have your bad moments during diaper changes, which baffles us because you get your own diaper and wipes at daycare and then just lay down on the ground. Tonight, you wanted to play with the tablet before bed, which I'm not opposed to as you usually just thumb through it, not really stopping on anything. I think you just like watching the icons go by. So I told you I would let you play with it after you got your diaper changed and your pajamas on. Boom. Done deal. You went into your room, grabbed the diaper and wipes, and laid down on the floor!

We've been using stickers to the point where I might have to buy out the Dollar Store sometime soon. But it works, so I don't question it. You love your stickers, and sticking them on the sticker board is such a joy. You love helping dad "fix" the fire place when the pilot light goes out (which happens all too often, for some reason).

When I pick you up from daycare, my keyword to get you to move faster is "dad." You love your daddy and cannot wait to see him at the end of the day. It's fun to see how you run into the house and call for him

We've been trying to get out and do more things with you because I think you get bored so easily with us. It's so much easier, as well, to just wear you out and then get home and put you to bed. You seem to do so much better when we are out and about, especially because you're rarely in the car, and I think you really like car rides.

We have a very special bed time routine that I will forever cherish, even when it's long gone. We say our prayers, and your dad picks you up (it hurts my belly now that I'm getting bigger...). You kiss your dad, your dad kisses me, you kiss me, and it goes like that for a little while. It's fun and special and we do it with just your night light and projector going, so there's barely any light. I love it and will be very sad when those days are gone.

You give excellent hugs. Your laugh is contagious and I cannot fathom life without you. Well, I lie. I can. And it was not near as joyous, tiring, frustrating, loving or full as it is now. I had a high school friend lose his daughter today after 5 months of life. I cried in my office for 15 minutes after I heard the news. It broke my heart to think of having to go through that as a parent. I hope I never have to. I love you James Thomas.

You are truly my everything!

26 Weeks and Another Comparison

26 Weeks with Baby #2 (left) and 26 Weeks with James Thomas (right)

Holy. Moses.

When I gain weight, it definitely goes right to my face! I am a Dudding, through and through!

We have been terrible about taking belly photos with Baby Girl Engels. We get home from work after picking James up from daycare, and it's go-go-go. I think we have taken an 8 week, 12 week, 19 week, 22 week and now this 26 week photo. That's it. With James Thomas, it was every week. With this one, it's every month, if we're lucky.

As a teacher, you have to get the obligatory school photo each year. Last year, I had a school photo taken 4 months after I had James. In getting these obligatory photos back, you receive four little photo stickers. I didn't know what to do with them, so I posted them around my classroom. One of which is stuck to the back of my piano, where students stand during lessons. Almost every lesson, students are telling me how different I look. One lesson, I mentioned that the photo was also taken about 20 pounds heavier (give ten pounds or so...). She replied, "Good for you!" to which I laughed and pointed out it was also a few months after I had given birth to James. Then my students chorused (like the pun there?) that I look so much "different" now and they really like my hair etc. etc. Yeah. "Different" is a nice word for "better."

I didn't realize it until I put these photos side by side just now. Incredible what a few (15) pounds can do for a girl. Not that I'm watching my weight, but I definitely DIDN'T watch my weight with James. Include the fact that I ate out all the time, I packed on the pounds (45 to be precise). This time around, I'm much more active, and am still looking at minimal weight gain (10 from my lowest to my current weight). So needless to say, the above photo proves that the belly is the same, but the face is definitely tell-tale of the difference between this pregnancy and the last!

Now, onto the update!

How far along? 26 Weeks! I can see the light at the end of this second trimester tunnel!
Maternity clothes? I have always been uncomfortable in clothes that do not fit right, and a lot of my maternity clothes from my last pregnancy are too big. The jean skirt in the above photo is way too big on me. My favorite pair of jeans from my first pregnancy fit my hips, but not my butt, so it looks like I have saggy-butt-syndrome. So I found $75 in my car the other day, and used some of the cash to buy a pair of colored jeans (because we can get away with wearing those to work!) and a new white shirt to go with them. Right now, I'm between trying to make the clothes too big for me work, along with my non-maternity dresses. Beyond that, I hate wearing the same thing too many times, as it makes me feel grubby. Maybe that comes from working retail and always having an overflowing closet (much like I do now...). I can easily not wear the same thing for over two months with the pre-preg clothes I have now. Not so much with the maternity clothes, and it drives me nuts.
Weight gain? Not much!
Stretch marks? Nope! But the tummy's a-stretchin'!
Best moment this week? This past Saturday Eric and I were in poor shape. I was not feeling well at all and Eric had had some sort of stomach bug on Friday, so we were exahusted. Needless to say, we didn't leave the house. With James, we need to leave the house, because (as we found out quickly), he gets bored and begins to act out. It was hell. So Sunday, we carted him around while we tried to find new snow boots for him (we LOST his others! Doh!). I looked everywhere, and finally went to the next town over to hopefully find some at some stores we don't have here in a-town. Found some. The last ones on the shelf. For $30. Color me shocked, but I bought them as we needed snow boots for him! After he woke up from his nap, we took him outside and played with him. No TV all day. No time spent in the basement playroom. No whining. No time-outs. It was a great day. Then we enjoyed the Superbowl while James watched some TV on the tablet. Then he told he was ready for bed and viola, best day ever. However, it might be a toss-up between Sunday and today, which was a snow day that allowed me to read an entire book, front to back, without any interruptions. It was awesome!
Miss anything? Having no part of my vaginal area hurt. Be it the cramping, the groin muscles, the pubic bone etc. It has not been fun. The other day a co-worker asked me how I was doing and I said, "Well, my vagina doesn't hurt today, so I'd say it's a good day."
Movement? You, little girl, freaked me out the other day as you didn't move hardly at all. Then the next day, you hardly moved. Just little, sloooow movements every once in awhile. Today, you're back and have been dancing around in my belly, so we're all good!  
Food cravings? Pineapple pineapple pineapple. I have been eating it nonstop. Every day for lunch. A bunch of us eat lunch together, and one woman in that group said to me, "Do you eat anything else for lunch?" Nope! I usually have a big breakfast, find some chocolate or a snack around 10:00, a huge can of pineapple at noon and a snac when I get home. Delicious!!! 
Anything make you queasy or sick? Sometimes, I can hardly handle changing James' diapers. I've always been able to handle it, but with this pregnancy, something about the smell of a diaper, even if it's not poopy. Kind of bizarre.
Labor signs? Nope! The cramping has also eased up a bit, which is awesome. Possibly because I have actually allowed myself to slow down.
Symptoms? My vagina hurts. I got a huge zit on my face for the first time in years - the red kind that won't head out on it's own, deep under the skin and hurts like hell? Right on my cheek. Weird, but I guess that's what hormones do to you!
Belly button in or out? Oh my, it wants to come out!
Linea nigra? Nothing.
Wedding ring on or off? On, although I noticed the other day that my hands were a little swollen, so the ring was a little hard to twist around with the weird habit I have of twisting my ring with my middle finger and pinky finger.  
Happy or moody? Generally happy, I'd say. It's been a good week.
Looking forward to: The next few weeks being over with. We have a ton of things going on at school with the Iowa Assessments, Conferences, and then beyond that, I have a ton of other things. Taking Select Choir to a competition, judging a show choir competition, baby appointment etc. It will be a hectic few weeks, but I'm looking forward to March already!

Dear Dad

I hate thinking about the coming days ahead because it always means that I relive everything that happened.

When you think about major events that have happened in life, you remember where you were. I was laying in my bunk bed at Iowa State, as a freshman, when the first plane hit the WTC on 9/11. I was laying in my bunk bed at Iowa State, as a freshman, watching the T.V. when the second  plane hit the second WTC on 9/11. I was sitting on my mom and dad's bed, watching TV, in second grade, when the phone rang to tell us that my Grandpa had died. I was in my dorm room at Iowa State, as a freshman, just getting home from work when the phone rang to tell me my Grandmother had died.

I couldn't sleep the night before I got married. I remember laying on my bed, with the windows open in our bedroom, in labor with James when I screamed at Eric to call the hospital because something was definitely wrong.

It was 7:04 a.m. on March 11, 2006 when I called my parents and told them that Eric and I weren't going to get married in 5 short months. March 12, 2006, at 7:00 p.m., Eric attended his first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He's been sober every since.

But even as all those life events took place, I can't ever remember how I felt. I can definitely remember how I thought I felt, but not the actual feelings itself.

But I remember how I felt when I got the news you were gone. I remember how it felt when I had to walk out of the hospital, and the funeral home, and the church, and the cemetery without you.  And each year, I relive those feelings, without being able to really help it.

It's like when someone dunks you at the pool and you're truly not ready for it. Only someone is doing it with your heart. It's like the panic sets in, and then the struggle to find something steady to pull you up, and finally, relief when someone or something does.

And there is relief when reliving these feelings. There's a relief that it's over and it isn't taking over my life like it used to. There's a relief that, by God, life has gone on, even though I never thought it would. I have found happiness in James, and my marriage, and my job again. I love my friends, I am social, I am happy.

It's pretty incredible when you think of the shock that you go through when you lose someone so quickly.

I miss you every day of my life, but in missing you, I'm also happy. Thank you for giving me the strength to move on with life. It has put things in perspective.