Single Mom

When I first started this whole parenting thing, I scoffed at the parents who put their kids in front of Baby Einstein (there was a study that came out saying it didn't work and Baby Einstein confessed that was true), my kid wasn't going to be staring at an iPad all day (because we done own one, although we have a Nexus that I love) and they were going to have fruits and veggies with every meal.

In reality, James could probably recite the entire Smurfs 2 movie, (and who am I kidding - so could I), loves the many puzzles I have downloaded for him on my Nexus and had a hot dog bun, an entire peach, a piece of banana bread last night for supper (although tonight, he did have an entire peach -again- a huge helping of peas and a hot dog, so score 1 for mom).

In reality, single parenting is hard.

Last weekend we had a lovely family weekend. Monday is when "family" went to shit. Eric is trying to finish a job, so he worked late Monday. He worked late Tuesday. Wednesday night our neighbor gave us a much needed date night, but then Thursday and Friday were back to the same. He worked all day today, leaving me with a very independent toddler and a fussy baby. Not to mention I was extremely hungover, but that's another story...

Our date night on Wednesday forces us to "catch up" if you will. We really didn't get to enjoy each other, instead we talked about the things couples of two children, a mortgage and not enough time on their hands talked about.

"Catherine's appointment went well today, she doesn't have to be seen for another two weeks."
"When I picked James up yesterday he told me Ella rode her bike! I've never heard him use the word bike before!"
"James has started calling me mom instead of mama." (*sad sigh*)
"Catherine was up twice last night but went back to sleep right away."

And then Eric dropped his bomb.

"I think I need to hire someone."

Finally, the realization that he can't do it all himself was voiced and I couldn't agree more. And we are terrified.

We do everything with cash. Our entire closet, bathroom, bedroom remodel is being done with cash. Our cars are paid for. I have one measly student loan left and then, excluding our house, we are debt free. We have a cedit card we use wxlusovely for filling up with gas and we pay it off every month so we don't accrue interest.

So to take another human being who is dependent on us for their well-being is incredibly daunting.

We have a savings but that's ours. Its not for his business. He has a fluff fund, but that's to buy new tools, insurance premiums and everything else to do with his business.

Taking on another person would be more in taxes, like unemployment and payroll. It means workers compensation insurance. It means Eric has to stay busy. And right now, he is busy. Terribly busy. So busy that he can't keep up, even working 12 hour shifts. I jokingly said at the beginning of July that if we could survive July, we could survive anything. Eric laughed and said, "If we can survive until the end of the year." Because that's how much work he has backed up.

So in that one sole statement, Eric turned our world upside down. Five years ago, he did the same thing when he told me he was going to go out on his own. And that, too, was scary. But we survived. And we have thrived.

So here we go into the abyss. I am praying that it turns out to be as lucrative, as beneficial, and as lovely as the last five years have been. We have been fortunate, and I couldnt be more thankful.