39 Weeks!

There are people who say that God doesn't give you what you can't handle. There are also people who say that's a crock of shit. I am one of them.

I walk into our house and NOTHING is being done on our kitchen. Except for half a floor being laid for a couple of hours, and my painting. That's right, me. Up on a ladder. 3 feet above the ground and reaching up to the ceiling to paint. Because that's not dangerous or anything.

I slipped in the driveway of our daycare provider on Monday after my PT appointment, while carrying Catherine because I had forgotten it was supposed to snow (or I didn't even realize? it seems like so long ago, I'm not really sure). Since then, I have been able to barely walk. But yet I would come home to another crockpot creation or leftovers, feed myself and the kids, change into gross clothes and get to work painting. Thankfully today, I had another PT appointment, so it helped me immensely. Hopefully tomorrow, I'll be able to walk.

Every time I turn over in bed, my pubic bone pops. No joke. I didn't even know it was possible that you could dislocate your pubic bone, but apparently, I have. Your pubic bone is supposed to line up horizontal. Mine does not any more, thanks to this baby. So now when I pop my pubic bone, it kills. The pressure is unbelievable and the pain is pretty incredible. All in all, I am so excited to be done with this pregnancy.

School has been increasingly difficult. It's hard to find the motivation to be the "dog and pony show" that I was before I was so incredibly heavy, pregnant, and uncomfortable. I teach bell-to-bell, which I know there are several teachers out there who don't. I am on all the time, and I expect my students to be on all the time. And yesterday, I actually let them have 10 minutes of class time to themselves. I never allow that. EVER. And yesterday, because I was so uncomfortable just from standing in front of them, I had to sit down and let them have that ten minutes.

I am so tired and hardly sleeping. I have been hiring my 14 year old neighbor girl and my daycare providers 14 year old daughter to watch my kids so I can do the things around the house that Eric would normally help me with, but can't because he has all these jobs that are coming due.

Today, a colleague, who has the same due date as me, gave birth to a healthy baby boy. And all day I got to deal with, "You have 12 hours to have your baby at the same time as Cassie!" Or, "think you'll go today too?" No. I don't think I'll go today, or tomorrow, or the next. Because that's not how my pregnancy works. But here I am, surrounded by people who apparently have their babies early. Talk about repeated slaps in the face!

And at the end of the day, I am incredibly lonely. I feel like I'm doing this parenting, and this pregnancy, all by myself. There came a time today when I wondered if Eric would even be able to stay with me in the hospital, or if he would have to go finish a job somewhere. He swears the kitchen will be done in time, he swears he will have everything finished, hopefully by Monday, but in the end, I don't foresee it happening. I am throwing up prayers to my dad all the time, asking him to help Eric get everything done in time, but unless there is a miracle, I don't think it will happen. It almost feels like I will forever be walking on a combination of half done walnut wood flooring, subfloor, 80's linoleum and the old laminant flooring we laid when we first moved in, which is still in our foyer.

Onward, I guess.

Random Thoughts from This Week: Are we done yet?
Maternity clothes? they are taunting me from the closet. Will today be the last day I get to wear my hot pink pants? Will tomorrow be the last day I wear my cute wrap dress? I am ready to put them away! 
Weight gain? Yes, which led to an interesting convo at the doctor's office.
Stretch marks? Nope!
Best moment this week? Last Friday night I went to Christy's with the rest of the "cul-de-sac" girls and they proceeded to make me 20 freezer meals for after the baby gets here. I couldn't believe it. Most likely, with leftovers, that will last me an entire month. I was floored and so touched that they would think to do that for me. It was also a lot of fun to just sit around afterward and chat.
Worst moment this week? On Friday, Catherine threw up, on Saturday she had a fever all day, and on Sunday, I finally took her to Urgent Care. Guess what? A fucking ear infection. So we tried an ALL NEW family of anti-biotics. It seems to have worked, but those three days were endless. Then James had a fever and cough on Sunday night, but luckily didn't wake up with a fever on Monday, so off to daycare he went, although he was clearly not feeling well. Last night was the first night that both of my babies seemed to be in good moods and feeling good. Just in time, right?
What the doctor says: Still very swollen, still dilated to a 3. He tried stretching me, but just like with James and Catherine, I have not noticed anything and doubt I will. Just some blood-tinged mucous, but that is what happens every time. Luckily, my conversation about my swelling, weight gain AND how I tend to have big babies no matter what size I turn out to be lead him to try to get me an induction next week. Which is another reason why I have been freaking out. It looks like it could be Thursday, and that's a week from today. And we are nowhere near finishing the kitchen, or the hall bath, or really, do we have any semblance of order in our house.
Any symptoms? Just a ton of contractions that never go anywhere. Typical!
Movement? Probably not. I am going to be pregnant forever.
Anything make you queasy or sick? Not that I know of, but I have been feeling nauseous. Every little thing that I say to anyone gets the reply, "Oh, it could be anytime!" Yeah, it should be!
Looking forward to: Holy shitballs, getting this baby out.

Here's to one more week... maybe.