The Nursery: A Tribute to Grandpa Tom

We have your nursery 90% done. And how thankful I am for that! We only have your closet system to put in (which...we might never do that, so if you're reading this 25 years from now, sorry about that...) and your changing table. Your dad will be making your changing table and I'm excited for that. He was going to make your crib, but it was going to be tough since he has been so busy, so we decided to just buy one as well. Actually, buy a second one...you'll have to ask your dad about that story. He'd love to tell it, even 25 years from now!

So in "designing" your nursery, I knew I didn't want to spend a ton of money on decorations, bedding, or painting. We have painted nearly every room in this house ourselves. I am DONE with painting.

A couple years ago, when we repainted your room as a guest room (it was BRIGHT blue prior to us painting it - be thankful you got green and yellow!) I knew I wanted that room as a nursery since it's right next to our bedroom. So we painted it green and yellow, added the new doors, trim and crown moulding. We had a futon in there as a guest bed, but I sold that for $75. Wahoo!

So then we found out we were having you, and viola, we had your room painted. Only, we had a TON of crap in there. The closet held all my formal dress clothes - dresses from my choir teaching days, bridesmaid dresses etc. and all your dad's dress clothes. Not to mention, other clothes, ironing board, iron, suitcases and other miscellaneous items that we had to find room for. And we did find room for. Although, it wasn't very fun!!!

So we moved it out, found room for it and began moving "you" in. So far, everything that has to do with a baby has gone into that room. And then I started to nest. So I wanted everything organized and the room ready for your arrival. So we got a crib that we didn't like. As I write this, it's sitting in the basement, waiting for a home. Then we got another crib.

I knew your Grandpa Tom had made a glider and ottoman for your Grandma Mary. But she didn't use it and had put it in her basement (yes, her big, scary basement) right before you were born. I asked her if we could take it and she said yes, so I knew that was coming. I also knew that you would love the mini rocking chair and rocking horse Grandpa Tom had made, so I knew that was going in your nursery too.

So I had a lot of the big things taken care of, but I didn't know how to decorate. I knew I didn't want to spend a whole lot of money. It's just not worth it (you'll hopefully get that common sense too...) so I figured I would make some things.

After a little research, I found a cool idea for a mobile. Superglue them to a sewing circle and let them hang. But I wanted to do something just a little more than that. But I left it and went back to brainstorming.

I had the idea to paint your pictures and use excerpts from songs your Grandpa Tom really enjoyed. So I picked "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, "Your Song" by Elton John, "I Hope You Dance" by Leeanne Womack and "Chattahoochee" by Alan Jackson. I have some really fond memories from the Leeanne Womack song and Alan Jackson with your Grandpa Tom, but those paintings didn't make it in there. :) However, the Elton John and Led Zeppelin song did. As soon as I knew I was painting the trio of pictures representing Led Zeppelin, I knew I had to make a "bird's nest" from which the circle of ribbon would hang. After a little ingenuity, viola, I did it. And it's amazing. I'm sure it will be outdated and probably a little "weird" when you finally read this or look back on this, but I think it's beautiful and I'm so so so excited for you to come and enjoy it. And I know that each time I rock you in that rocker, each time you sit in your own rocker, use the rocking horse and essentially, are in your nursery, a little bit of Grandpa Tom is there with you.

That's the most important part of all. I'm so excited to meet you and enjoy the nursery with you. I love you!

Oh, The Places You'll Go...

I've been thinking more and more of what to do with you when you finally get here and less and less of you as you are in my womb.

Sound stupid? Some things might be, but give your ole mom a chance...

1) I want to teach you to do good things for others and why it's important to do good things for others. I want to teach you to serve the homeless, donate to charities, conduct a service project. Whether that's through Boy Scouts, or just serving at a homeless shelter on Christmas Eve, I want it to be something special. Something that teaches you to be a good person.
2) I want you to be able to express yourself. It's important to me that you have a voice in our family, no matter if it's right or wrong. I want you to be able to form your own opinions and justify them in an intelligent way. I want you to take those opinions and build your own family around them someday.
3) I want you to know that sometimes, your mom will be wrong. And I hate being wrong. And I will try to keep myself in line when I'm being proven wrong. Trust me, you'll see.
4) I want you to have MANNERS and understand how to say "Please," and "Thank You," without being prompted. I don't want you to be a robot that automatically says thank you and you're not sure what you are thankful for. I want you to chew with your mouth closed, address people in a respectful manner and know that hats at the dinner table ARE NOT appropriate, no matter how often your daddy wears his damn stocking hats. :)
5) Most importantly, I want you to be who you are. Whoever you may be. Whatever you want to be. We will support you wholly........ as long as you can justify your decision. :)

I love you!
Mom

YOU'RE A BOY!!!!

You're a boy, you're a boy, YOU'RE A BOY!!!

Now, don't get me wrong, I would have been more than happy to have a little girl, but you're a boy.

And oooohhhhhhhh, how I was hoping for a boy!

They say that mothers know for sure what the baby is before the ultrasound, and I could have sworn you were a boy. But the night before our ultrasound last Wednesday (Dec. 21), I forced myself to think of all the neat things you can do with a girl, like dress them up in frills and lace and how pretty they are!!! And the cutest names you can give them...

But you're a boy, and I knew you would be!!!

I could hardly contain myself the night before, going to bed well after midnight and waking up by BOUNCING out of bed t 6:30 a.m. I did my morning routine, then dragged your father out of bed (you'll understand that dad likes to sleep...a lot...) and we set off for the hospital. We figured out where we were going, did the insurance thing, and then I could hardly contain myself in the waiting room of Iowa Radiology in Methodist Plaza.

When the technician finally called our name, I told her that we wanted to find out the gender right away, so that was the first thing we did was look to see if you were a boy or a girl. At one point, I saw your umbilical cord and said, "Oh!!! He's a boy!!!" and then the ultrasound technician said, "Oh, that's the umbilical cord." Finally, we saw what we needed to see to determine gender and tech said, "Oh! Look at the size of those testicles!" I exclaimed something like, "He's a boy!" and started to cry. But the shit-eating grin on your dad's face was absolutely priceless. PRICELESS.

I loved watching his reaction when the ultrasound technician discovered something new about you. You're little heart beating, your little brain, your beautiful face, and of course, those wonderful wonderful 10 fingers and toes. You are so adorable and I can't wait to meet you for real!!!

I love you more than I can even tell you, and cannot WAIT to meet you.

Can't wait.

If I close my eyes reaaaallllllll tight...

December 6, 2011...

On December 1, I was driving back to work from picking up some boxes for moving, and holy GOD I had to pee!!! So I was concentrating on basically not peeing my pants, when I felt this fluttering in my belly. I was cruising down the road, no one around me, radio off (because I had had people in it prior to grabbing those boxes...) and there you were, letting me know you're here!!!

There have been so many things that have let me know you're here. For instance, an increase in my visits to the bathroom! And my boobs have definitely gotten bigger! And my belly is growing. But somedays, it just doesn't feel real...

It's crazy what people say about motherly instincts, and I figured that if I didn't acquire those, I could at least just echo what I've seen other people do!!! But at the moment I felt your fluttering, I just knew it was you! It was nothing I've ever felt before, and I will never forget that first feeling!

I've been trying hard to feel that fluttering ever since, and yesterday, when I got in the car for work, there you were, dancing around to the Foo Fighters' "Rope" on the radio. It was a combination of fluttering and weird movement, but I knew you were there! I laughed because your daddy LOVES the Foo Fighters, and I'm sure since you were executing those dance moves like your dad is known to do (ha!) you will love the Foo Fighters too!

So tonight, I got home, and ate my favorite - chips and dip! YUM! You must have liked it too, because after that, there you were! Your grandma once told me it feels like little fingers poking you from the inside. It was incredible!!! There you were, poking me on the right side of my abdomen, saying hello!

I laughed and sat quietly, concentrating on that feeling. This is what I've been doing ALL NIGHT! Watching TV, surfing the internet and concentrating on feeling you bounce around! There was one kick that I definitely felt on the outside of my stomach, which made me sooooo excited to have your dad come home and feel you too. He will be thrilled!

So you better perform when he comes home on Friday!!!!!

I wanted to get this down in the books, so that I could remember this magical feeling forever. I don't think I will ever forget the flood of emotions I had when I first felt you, and thereafter, but I want to remember what I was doing, where I was.

I cannot wait to meet you. I love you already!

Dear Dad

Happy 60th Birthday.

Last night, I had the craziest vision of you while driving home. You were feeding our kid corn on the cob, at the dinner table at your house. Baby Engels wasn't ready for it, but he was loving every second of it! And you were smiling and laughing at his reactions, making facing to get more reactions, giving him more butter...

I really, truly wish, from the bottom of my heart, that would be a true memory I would have some day.

But unfortunately, it can only be a vision. However good it may be that I can still remember you that clearly, it will still, only be a vision.

P.S. Please watch out for CB as she grieves through her mom's disease. Give her the strength you gave me, and I know she'll make it out. And CB, if you're reading this, no worries. Pa Dudding will help you out when you need it. Just ask. :)

The Unsuspecting Pregnant Lady

We announced you today! You are, officially, no longer our best kept secret. It's been so funny to watch the reactions of various people.

Today was our 12 week appointment, and your dad and I floated out of Methodist Plaza downtown. Floated. We were giggling and grinning and practically skipping our way back to the car. It was such a relief to hear your heartbeat again, and know that you're really, really here.

It's been a trip so far. So I would like to write a blog based loosely off all the websites I look at every week, that tell me what my baby's (you) doing each week, what my body should be doing each week, how I might be feeling this week. Ha! They don't have anything on your mother's keen sense of humor and quips.

I've toyed with calling it The Unsuspecting Pregnant Lady, but that doesn't quite have the same ring to it. "What to Expect When You're Not Expecting" is hilarious, but doesn't get the point across. "What Not to Expect When You're Expecting" has the same opposite effect. I want something funny, but that gets the point across.

So we'll see, and who knows, the idea may fizzle out. We'll see. :)

But for now, here is the video that I posted today to announce you. We're so excited!

Sun-Dried Tomato Turkey

For about the last week and a half, I have been LIVING on sun-dried tomato turkey sandwich, with mayo, mustard, lettuce (when I have it), swiss cheese, cheddar cheese and LOTS OF PICKLES. I've never really realized how good pickles are. Fricken A. They are so good...

Well Baby E - we're about 10 1/2 weeks along. That means only 2 1/2 weeks before your dad can start opening his mouth. And, oh is he excited about it. I am too, but I don't want all the unsolicited advice...or questions upon questions. I'd like to get it out in the open and for people to move on. It's like telling people you have AIDS. Only positive. Get it out in the open and get over it. Like my Grandma McGoff (Grundman) would say, "Good show!" and then move on!

I've noticed my abdomen is starting to get harder. Not really bigger (except for the bloating...thanks for that...) but definitely harder. I went shopping last Friday with your Grandma Engels - got some maternity clothes, some baby stuff. We both had a good time and we're both excited for you to get here! We're a quarter of the way through this pregnancy thing!

I can't wait for the pizza parties on the floor of the living room, the camping in the backyard, the football games (you're either going to be a Football Player or a Cheerleader. I think...), the times with your grandparents, the times with our friends. Watching you make your own friends and growing with them. Watching you learn - I'm so excited to watch you learn! One of the most amazing things as a teacher was watching my students learn. I'm so excited about that.

I'm so excited about you. So when you're a teenager and you're fighting me tooth and nail on something, remember I am so excited that you are here. When I don't like your college major, or the college you decided on, remember the best thing in the world to me is being a wife to your father and a mother to you. When you are reading this after finding out you're having your first child, I will be excited for you.

I already love you and you're not even here yet. :)