18 Months!

Holy moses, you are a year and a half old! How and when did that happen?

You are turning into such a little boy. You LOVE horseplay with your dad, and I think you get embarrassed when your mom tries it. You come to me more for hugs and love.

You've stopped yanking on Kinnick's tail, and instead, have been trying to give him hugs. I don't know what might be more painful for him. You love giving hugs, and think it's the greatest thing ever.

You love car rides! But only short ones. Since it's started turning colder, I pick you up from the sitter's on my way home, even though it's only three houses down. But boy, do you love sitting in the front seat, buckled in, while I putt-putt down the road three houses and back into our driveway. Most likely very illegal, but really, what's the harm? My dad took me driving in Grandma's corn field in an old beat up pick up truck. Now THAT was an adventure!

You are saying SO MANY words! I cannot believe it! You say just about everything you do or pick up. You'll pick up a stick if we walk home from the babysitter's house, and you say the word. You can say shoes, light, all gone, all done, all ready, bye mom, bye dad, and my favorite: "shit!" which is your word for sit. You can say chair, uh-oh, cat and dog. It's amazing all the words that come out of your mouth at any given time, including the one's I don't remember off the top of my head!

You are starting to run, everywhere. We have three shoes for you. Crocs with holes, which are too cold for this weather, brown leather shoes, which are dressier, and snow boots. I'm thinking we need to get you some real running shoes soon!

I keep trying to get you to understand that there is  baby in my belly, but then you just keep going after my belly button when I do. I am excited for you to meet your brother or sister and I think it will be a moment I will never forget when you do!

So, little man, happy year and a half. It's been a whirlwind. And to think it's already been two years since we made the announcement we were pregnant with YOU.

I love you little man, thank you for making my life so complete!

13 Weeks!

How far along? 13 weeks
Maternity clothes? I Don't need them but I have been wearing them anyway! They are just so comfy! I bought two pair of leggings and went back for a third color. Thank you Motherhood Maternity! I have yet to break out my maternity jeans, because all my others still work, but I can't wait for those either!
Weight gain? Well, at the doctor, I had lost 3 more pounds, so I am down to 156. Which makes my tiny bump protrude even more!
Stretch marks? No, and I hope I don't get them. I had a good time in my bikini at the pool this year. I don't want to graduate to the mom-kini because of stretch marks!
Sleep? Sleep! Except I wake up to pee every night. That's annoying!
Best moment this week? My best moment this week was telling my students. So much fun to watch their reactions!
Miss anything? Eric took me on a date to celebrate our announcement and I really wanted some wine with dinner! And I miss not feeling tired all the time. And sleeping on my stomach!
Movement? No kidding, sometimes I feel a flutter here or there! I sometimes wonder if I am just excited to feel that movement again or if its really you!
Food cravings? I bought pizza rolls for the first time in a long time and will be heating some up shortly. And oddly enough I have been craving straight water. Ice cold - delicious!
Anything make you queasy or sick? Some of my students don't smell the best...
Labor signs? No!
Symptoms? Nausea, fatigue, more nausea followed by extreme hunger!
Belly button in or out? In!
Linea nigra? Nope! Nothing yet!
Wedding ring on or off? On!
Happy or moody? Yesterday, very moody!!! Today, very emotional.
Looking forward to: getting the nursery set up...and I am always looking forward to sleep!

Oh boy, oh boy... or girl?

Thursday, September 12

Well, you're here. All .13 inches of you, packing a furious punch with nausea, fatigue and the urge to pee every second of every day!

After Eric and I had James, we knew we would want at least two children close in age. Then James grew into a toddler and that decision was staring back in our faces saying, it's tiiiiiiii-iiiiiime!

So we looked at where we are at in our lives. We have a happy, healthy baby boy, we have good jobs, Eric's business is doing relatively well, and consistently, which is important, and we are happy with our lives. So we went with it and low and behold, we got pregnant the first try. Again. For not wanting to have children for awhile, I sure do have an easy time getting pregnant! Maybe it's God showing me that things can be easy...

We found out last Friday morning and today we are officially five weeks along!

So far this pregnancy is nothing like the first. I knew the second I was pregnant, at what would be about 3 weeks or so. I felt a tingling in my breasts and looked in the mirror after my shower - boom. Bigger boobs. A few days later I started to get worn down easily and right before my missed period the nausea came. It hasn't been bad and I have been keeping it at bay with lots and lots of small snacks, but it has been touch a go...

Otherwise, I am excited to welcome Baby Engels #2 to our family. Looks like we are in for another adventure!

Sunday September 22
This pregnancy has been exactly like the last. I was doing pretty good up until about six weeks and then boom...morning sickness. It has been an intense journey and Eric has been awesome through all of it. He's been doing a lot with James. He's been cleaning the house, he's been making dinner, he's really been super dad and I am incredibly grateful to him, especially when I'm laying in bed trying to eat my granola bars without throwing up.

True to form I cannot eat anything except food that is really healthy. Tonight I had granola bars and broccoli for dinner. It was the best broccoli and granola bar that I have ever eaten. I am trying sea bands that my friend has recommended to me and those seem to help as well but it still gets pretty bad. I am anxious to see how I will hold up in front of my students for the next couple of weeks. Odds are it will prove to be interesting.

Otherwise we are just waiting for our first appointment on October 7th!

Friday, September 27 10:00 p.m.
Excuse the vulgarity, but holy shit, I just ate the most excellent sandwich I have ever concocted. And as I sat in my living room in my underwear and T-shirt, stuffing my face with this sandwich, I realized the last time I had a sandwich such as this was approximately weeks 7-9 in my pregnancy with James. Yep, still on par for this pregnancy to be right along the lines of the last one! And with my full tummy, I am off to bed!

Monday, October 7
Today we had our baby appointment. We got to hear the woosh-woosh of your tiny heartbeat, we got to see your little hands and feet moving, and because it was a vaginal ultrasound, we saw your tiny heart actually beating. That's what moved me to tears, and even though I didn't cry, it was still an incredible moment.

You're on par to be here May 14. Hopefully, I will be over my morning sickness by then. Hahaha. Last weekend, I forgot to take my pre-natal vitamins all weekend. But low and behold, I felt immensely better on Monday. However, since I took one Sunday night, I felt HORRIBLE come Tuesday. Coincidence? So I haven't been taking them. The doctor didn't seem too concerned, and like Eric always says, "People have been having babies for thousands of years." Although, I stepped on the scale at the doctor's office wearing my maternity leggings, only to find out I don't really need to be wearing them because I'm still under my pre-pregnancy weight. So I guess morning sickness has done something for me, just like it did last time! :)

My O.B. looked at James' stats and said, "8 pounds, 14.5 ounces huh? Let's not do that again, shall we?" Yeah, no kidding. Then he asked me if I had any trouble with pushing him out. I laughed. Let's just say I hope this delivery doesn't have a shift change.

All in all, I feel like shit most days. I feel like a horrible parent to James because I can't get off the couch after work, I feel like puking my guts out at any given moment, and I'm ready to see the light at the end of this first trimester tunnel. Here's to three and a half more weeks (that is, if we're on schedule with the last pregnancy)!

Tuesday, October 15
I have no idea if God (or my dad, maybe?) Took pity on me, but since Sunday afternoon, when I got a spurt of energy, I have been feeling amazing! Except for tonight. Not sure if dinner just didn't sit well or if I am not drinking enough water, but I just feel off. I have a headache and am very tired. But I am getting excited for the big "reveal" that is baby Engels #2. I am making a sequel to the video I made to announce James and can't wait to show it off! Its going to be pretty good.

I have been slowly letting people know I am pregnant. A few coworkers, my administration, the hs  secretaries. I am so excited to tell all my students - I am sure the boys will stare at me wondering how it happened and all the girls will ooh and ahh. It should be lots of fun!

Otherwise, I am just counting down the days. Here's to two more weeks!

Thursday, October 24
How on earth have we already arrive at 11 weeks? Next week we will be in the clear, but we don't have our appointment until almost 13 weeks. I don't want to wait that long to announce you, but I need to hear your heartbeat. Its more for me than anything. Luckily your dad agrees!

Morning sickness is going away! I am getting less and less bouts of debilitating illness and more and more spurts of energy. Our house is still a mess because as soon as we put James to bed, I am spent. But more spurts during the day are happening and that's awesome!

Now we are just looking forward to Halloween, your announcement and quite frankly, I can't wait to tell my students! I just can't wait for the light bulb to come on, like, "oh! That's why you were laying on the floor of your office!" Should be fun! :-)

A quarter way through our pregnancy - only 30 more weeks!

Friday, November 1
So here we are. 12 weeks. I would love to say, "We made it! I feel so much better!" But that would be a farce. In all reality I still feel pretty crappy. The waves of nausea are coming and going much less than they were at 8 weeks, but I still feel exhausted by about two o'clock every day.

In talking with our babysitter, I realized that its because I am not sitting behind a desk this pregnancy. Instead, I am "on" every day, all day. I have to be a disciplinarian, mother, teacher, coach, mentor, and colleague for eight hours every day. At any given moment, someone needs something from me. And its my job to provide those needs.

And that is hard on my body.

I am not the type of person to look lazy, or like I just got out of bed. But I am pretty sure this week I wore black pants, boots and a sweatshirt to school. Yep. I dressed like the veteran teachers who just don't give a shit anymore.

But in my defense, 12 hours of sleep is not enough, and I am tired when I wake up in the mornings. I am tired when I get home and I am tired when I go to bed. I hope it gets better!

In other news, Eric and I have our baby appointment Tuesday at 4. After that, we will go out to eat then on to the Estonian National Orchestra. Say what?! Yes, Eric bought tickets for us to attend the symphony. I cannot wait! Then, we get to upload the video I made and I cannot wait!

Here's to only FOUR MORE DAYS of keeping this all a secret...

Tuesday, November 5
All was well at the appointment today. Heard your little heartbeat again. Now its time to announce you! Can't wait to see everyone's reaction!

Temper Tantrums No More...

I cannot believe where we were last week versus where we are today. You no longer throw your food at the dinner table and when you are finished, you give us whatever food is left and usually say, "all done!"

We have not seen a temper tantrum since last Thursday. Not even really a whimper. You are paying more attention to things we say and I can't believe the things you are able to understand. Our babysitter says you are very smart and even though I really believe all children excel, at this point, with one thing or another, I am beginning to think you are smart!

You love getting stickers and seem to be so proud of most things you are able to do, or show us. Like putting your sippy cup away, putting things away when we ask, and you can blow your nose. When did that happen?

You are such a more joyous little boy now, and it has been incredibly fun.

The Awesome Side to Parenting

What a difference a little stern parenting and 24 hours can make.

You did not cry when I picked you up from daycare and you came home with me willingly. You went on a short walk with your dad, and ride nicely in the wagon.

You ate dinner like a champ. You played after dinner like a champ. When you got your stocker for your "good job" at dinner and tried to eat it, you didn't cry when I took it away and said no. I gave you another stocker and you stuck it on your board with a big ole smile!

When you wanted to go outside after dinner and I told you no, you whined. Until I told you no whining and then you stopped.

When we went to Menards to buy a new toilet, I gave you such a stern talking to that the words, "you will sit in the cart, and you will not cry when you cannot push the cart'" actually made you whimper with a pouty lip.

And behold, you were an angel, which warranted another sticker when we got home, which you were more than happy to put on your board!

I guess I just needed to take back that control. We will see how the rest of the week and this weekend will go!

The Ugly Side to Parenting

Last week, it was like you flipped a little switch and decided the best way to voice your frustrations was through temper tantrums and they have escalated since. Last night you ran through the aisles of Target screaming. Tonight, you were in such a state of hysteria that you actually exhausted yourself in your timeout corner and fell asleep. I took you upstairs, tucked you in, said our prayers and you fell asleep. No bath, no diaper change (you had one an hour before) and no music.

Tonight, my son challenged me to a battle of wills, and I decided for the both of us, and for future benefit, that I was going to win.

It all started when you wanted to go out in the garage to be with your dad. You see, your dad is your bestie, and quite frankly, I am a distant second. A very distant second. So you went out and were playing, and somehow your dad thought it was a good idea that you push your stroller around in the garage. Good thinking at the time, as it was going to keep you busy. But when you push things, you go hard and fast and when you couldn't do that, you immediately got frustrated.

Combine that with the fact that your bedtime was in 45 minutes and the outcome was one of the biggest tantrums I have ever seen.

Most opp laces tell you to ignore tantrums. But our babysitter, who I very much respect, said there's another way to nip it in the bud even faster. What?! Sign me up!

Its called telling your kid to man up and quit being a baby. Week, in over nice, mommy lingo.

So after ignoring him for about 5 minutes, I proceeded to grab him by him arms, look him in the face and say "I know you're frustrated, but the way to behave. Let's go sit in timeout until you can calm down."

That is where the battle of wills ensued. We sat on the bottom platform of our staircase and he writhed and screamed and hicupped and got snot all over the carpet.

And I won. After almost 20 agonizing minutes of saying to him that I knew he was frustrated but this was no way to behave while rubbing his back (in between grabbing him as he made a beeline for the stairs) he calmed down. And promptly fell asleep.

So I took him upstairs, hauling this 30 pound ball of anger in my arms and put him in his crib. I rubbed his head, tucked him in, did our nightly ritual and left.

And then I cried.

This is exhausting. Its hard, it makes me feel like a terrible parent. But its what's best for our family. Yes, my life is all about what James needs. But not what he wants. And he needs to understand that to be frustrated is OK. But to be out of control is not.

So I guess this is the ugly side of parenting. But I will take it, because at the end of this ugliness, there is still my sweet, sweet baby boy.

17 months!

Right now, you are in the basement throwing a colossal fit. You have been for the past 5 minutes. I figure that you'll probably be down there for another 5 minutes or so, so I've got time for your 17 month stats.

You are the king of colossal temper tantrums. I'm not sure exactly when, or how, that happened, as I pride myself (and Eric) in being one-time parents. You throw your food on the floor, it's a time-out. You don't want to do something we need to do (because, let's face it, it's not about what we want to do anymore), we won't put up with it. Maybe this is the terrible two's that we have heard so much about?

(I just checked on you, you're lying at the foot of the stairs, on your back, arms and legs spread, crying. You're fine.)

You had a double ear infection earlier this week, which was hell on your dad and I. I finally took you to the doctor on Wednesday and you weighed 29 pounds and were 32" tall! Long and lean, holy smokes.

Everything with four legs is a "dog" and whenever we announce it's "BATH TIME!" you happily run after us, up the stairs, saying "bath! bath! bath!" Although it sounds more like "bat! bat! bat!" If there's one thing you absolutely love, it's baths.

(Just checked again, you're standing at the foot of the stairs, head on the second tread, still crying. I tried to coax you upstairs, but you ran away and out of sight. Not sure why I'm the bad guy here...)

You are starting to get very picky about your food. You don't like eating things two nights in a row, and it seems as though your palate is getting smaller. But good lord you LOVE french fries. It must have been all the salty foods I ingested when I was pregnant with you.

(You've  made your way up the stairs, but you're still crying. You're relentless.)

Outside is the place to be, which terrifies me to think what will happen when the cold weather hits and you can no longer play outside. You love pushing your wagon, rather than riding in it, and you're very particular about where it needs to go. You are very good at sticking to the sidewalks, which I think I can attribute to daycare (thanks Christy)! But you aren't so good at riding in the wagon. It's an anomaly, but I just go with it.

(You have finally made it to me, stopped crying, and want to type on the keyboard. So, because I love you, I'm going to let you. The last time you touched daddy's computer, you turned the screen 90 degrees adn we had a heck of a time getting it back, but hopefully this time, it won't be so bad... below will be your scribblings.)

You are growing so quickly - out of the 12 month, into the 18 month, and for some of the clothes, out of the 18 month and into the 2T. I bought you a little Columbia fleece, size 2T and it fits you perfect! Which worries me because I want it to fit you next spring! But your dad already ripped the tags off and it's got a nice sprinkling of applesauce (as does the interior of my car) on it, so I guess taking it back is out of the question.

You're starting to really understand the world around you and how things work. Like when I leave you in the basement to throw your temper tantrum, I really am not going to come and get you. You have to make your way upstairs because I am not going to raise a whiner or a fit-thrower. I have seen too many people too many times put up with it, and I will not.

So with your whining, that is happening right now, I'm going to put you to bed, as I think you're tired, run-down from the cold you've developed and getting rid of your ear infection, and quite frankly, I'm exhausted as well. I love you little man, and thank you for making me realize I have a wealth of patience!


My Temper Tantrum, by James Thomas Engels.
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