37 Weeks!

Mommy guilt has set in.

Every time I think of how much time I have left in this pregnancy, I think about how much time I have left to spend one-on-one with James.

It wrenches my heart every time.

I love spending one-on-one time with him. I love being his whole world and in turn, I love it when he's my whole world. I love sharing things with him. I feel like with another child, I will miss the things that are important to his world - like pointing out a plane in the sky, or noticing a bird (bee-bee) or a new word (like tonight, he said "Grapes").

I don't want to miss any part of his growing up because it already makes me so sad that he's so big.

And truthfully, I am afraid I won't love Baby Girl as much as I love James.

Everyone says the guilt goes away as soon as you see your second child, and that you love each child the same, but differently, but there's always the what if.

What if I don't? 

And next to that self-doubt, in the deep recesses of my soul that feels things so deeply is self-assurance. I know I will love Baby Girl the same as James. I know I will make sure she grows as well-adjusted as (I think) James is.

So here's to 21 more days of not knowing the answer, but believing I'll be right in the end.


How far along? 37 Weeks. Halleluajah and AMEN!
Maternity clothes? Yes. But hilariously enough, tonight I put on a pair of black pre-pregnancy pants to wear tomorrow, hoping I would just be able to wear them with a rubber band holding them closed and viola, I can. Amazing.
Weight gain? I had a doctor's appointment on Monday and I gained two whole pounds. Considering it's been almost 2 1/2 weeks since my last appointment, that's pretty good! I'm pumped that I might just stay under 180 this pregnancy, which is more than I can say for my pregnancy with James!
Stretch marks? No! Woop woop!
Best moment this week? There were several. I had a great weekend with James outside almost all weekend. Although I paid dearly for it on Monday, it was incredibly fun. Eric joined us and we did things as a family, which is a rarity (and I wish happened more often). My mom came down on Sunday, and then Terri, Eric's mom and her boyfriend Dan stopped by Sunday night. I know this seems bizarre, but another great moment was that it was so nice on Sunday that we slept with the windows open on Sunday night. I love sleeping with the windows open! I always feel like I sleep better! Maybe that's why I love camping so much. Then to top it all off, this week I have had nothing before or after school or in the evenings. It's awesome. I love it!
Miss anything? Being skinny. Honestly. I am really looking forward to not having a basketball protruding from my abdomen. I am looking at all my cute summer clothes and getting excited to wear them again!
Movement? Holy movement indeed. Every night about 9:00 she gets pretty active and it is really starting to hurt. She stretches out and prods and kicks and it sincerely hurts my stomach. Ugh. Only 21 more days, so it's not that bad.
Food cravings? Salads. The past week I have been craving lettuce, sharp cheddar cheese, tomatoes, and ranch dressing. I have had four in the last 48 hours. Delicious!
Anything make you queasy or sick? Not really.
Labor signs? Not really, but at my doctor's appointment on Monday, she checked me and said I was almost 2 cm dilated and 75% or more effaced. Holy buckets! Of course, I was that way with James, and he was 4 days late, so we'll see!
Symptoms? Mood. Swings. Holy. Crap. Today I had a great day with great rehearsals, got a lot of things done and BOOM, by the end of the day, I was pissy. No real reason why. It was interesting.
Belly button in or out? Out out out!
Linea nigra? I can see the faint whisper of a line on the upper half of my belly, and more of a line on the bottom half. But barely!
Wedding ring on or off? On!
Happy or moody? Generally happy, but moody when I haven't gotten good sleep!

Looking forward to: The next few weeks to fly by! Can't wait for May 14th! Or before, Baby Girl, if you want...

Only 21 more days!!!!!!