With or Without

A lot of people have no idea that my husband is a recovering alcoholic. I had no idea, either, until we moved in together after two years that he was, at that time, an alcoholic. I always thought he really liked to have a good time and I couldn't ever really tell how drunk he was. I would rarely spend the night at his place so I would usually leave to go sleep in my own bed before the "witching hour" or when the alcohol would really start to take hold.

5 months before we got married, the truth was inevitably staring me in the face. To save a long story for another day, we decided to still get married, but even walking down the aisle to say my vows I had no idea if this marriage would work.

Now eight years of marriage, and sobriety, later, I can say that my husband has not had one slip. When offered a beer at a party, he will simply explain that he's 'not very good at drinking' and I have never seen one person scoff or reject that answer. When at a bar, which is less and less as we get older, he will tell me when he needs to leave because as he says, "If you in the barber chair long enough, you are bound to get a hair cut."

I have always been so proud of him, but have never truly known what its like to give something like that up. I am Methodist and never had to give anything up for lent. So when the doctor told me that I had to give up dairy and soy, and then on my own accord, I didn't really imagine how difficult it would be to do.

It is harder than shit. I have noticed in the few days that I have been on this special diet that soy is in everything. If I want to eat anything, I have to check the label first. It means watching my husband put Velveeta on his burger... And then watch him enjoy eating it. It is hell.

And yet, I am doing it because I know I have to do it for my daughter. It's harder than I imagined. I am thankful I only have to do it for the time that I am breastfeeding. I don't have to do it any longer than that. I can't imagine having to do it for the rest of my life!

But here we are. And I will keep going, just like my husband, because I have to. It's empowering, but also one of the hardest things I have ever done. At least I still have my peanut butter captain crunch...