It's been a long time since I thought of all the dates associated with my case, my PTSD and really, what I saw as, at the time, the end to my teaching career.
I have been blissfully unaware, kicking ass and taking names, where I currently am. No longer do I think about what had happened. Not too long ago, Eric actually said her name and it shocked me; I hadn't thought of her, or heard her name in ages. It was weird to think about, and we were able to laugh it off.
But in these situations, there is never one person. There is a small group of people, with one person leading the herd. That was this student, and mainly, her mother. They went on the witch-hunt, and they got two other parents involved. When I think of the situation, I don't think of these other parents. I just think of the one person who started it all. The one person who mainly lead the pack. The one person who caused me the stress, anxiety, tears, hatred.
Today, I came face to face with one of those parents, and was not ready for my mind's reaction.
As I was walking out of my office, I came face to face with one of those parents, who was carrying mail in from the district office. That's right, because he works for the school district.
At first, it was hard to recognize him and I remember thinking, "No, that cannot be him." But when I made eye contact with him, I knew. And I knew he knew. I could see the recognition in his eyes. But it was like my mind didn't believe it. So I continued my walk back to the mail room, and so did he. He sorted the mail and walked out. I took a minute to compose myself, because while standing there watching him get the mail as I checked my mail box, I realized that it was him. It was, in fact, someone who had made my life a living hell. Someone who had accused me of things my principal called "crazy" but yet, still allowed the school district to investigate me, time and time again.
When he left, I asked the secretaries if they knew who he was, as he looked familiar to me. They said his name was Bill. As I was asking what his last name was, a custodian was walking by and said his last name.
Immediately, my heart rate soared, my hands turned cold, I couldn't breathe and it felt like I was having an out of body experience. Immediately, my eyes began to tear up, and my fight or flight response kicked in. I had to get out of that office. My co-worked, who had been standing at the desk, noticed my response and was concerned. I explained to her that this individual had tried to get me fired from my last school district. In fact, he had run for the school board on the platform of getting me fired. Talk about a strong hatred for someone! Of course, he didn't win, but at the same time, it was apparent that he, and these other people, would stop at nothing to make sure that I didn't have a job. In fact, it got to the point where the school district had to tell him that he no longer had children in the system, so they were not going to listen to him in regard to his complaints about me. But that was after the damage was already done.
It was the first time in a long time that I dissociated. It was like I was floating above my body and I couldn't breathe. I had to concentrate really hard on breathing and acting normal. It was the worst 5 minutes I have had in a long time.
But I can tell I am better. I am stronger. I snapped out of it long enough to pull myself together.
The rest of the day was up and down. There were times when I had the flight response and wanted to hole up in my office. But there were other times where I wanted to say, "Bring it, fucker." I had to repeat to myself "this situation does not define me as a teacher or a human being." The same thing I had written on those orange post-it notes and hung all over my house.
In the end, I won. I won against every single ridiculous accusation there was. Because I didn't do anything wrong.
I went back and forth between talking to my principal about the situation, as Bill is also a bus driver in our district. I have, just this month, requested 3 buses. Odds are, he will be the driver for one of them. It makes me wonder if I should actually say something to someone. But I don't want anyone to know. Those days, that school, that life is behind me. I don't want to drudge it all up again. But at the same time, I want and HAVE to protect myself. Isn't that my right?
I also went back and forth between talking to my school resource officer. Again, I don't know if what I would tell him would be confidential, Again, I don't want to bring this life back up again if I don't have to. So I emailed a friend of mine, who also happens to be a detective, but one day a week serves as a school resource officer, and explained my story to him. It was via email, and it was a very abbreviated version, but hopefully, he can give me some insight.
Otherwise, I suppose I will continue to do what I know how to do. Teach, love my students, and live my life.
Bring it, fucker.
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