Oh how I'm getting anxious for you! We're almost to the third trimester and it seems like only yesterday that we found out we were pregnant with you! How time flies...

How far along? 27 weeks
Maternity clothes? My David Britton maternity jeans, some maternity dresses, my yoga pants and maternity sweatshirt that I LOVE from Target!
Stretch marks? NO! However, my skin is stretching very taughtly and it HURTS! But I'll survive...
Sleep? Yes! Although these past few weeks, I've been waking up more and more to go to the bathroom. But luckily, sleep comes quickly when I lay down. However, your daddy keeps stealing my belly pillow and curling around it in the middle of the night, which causes me to wak him up when I'm stealing it back. :)
Best moment this week? Best and WORST moment would have to be my belly growing. It's the best because I feel like I have this motherly intuition - my belly hurts and is stretching, and your movements have started to differentiate from your normal scheduled times, so I can tell that you're catching some extra zzz's and working hard at growing. I can't wait until you're big enough to join us. :)
Miss anything? Not really! I am thoroughly enjoying my pregnancy!
Movement? The past few weeks you have been moving quite a bit. However, in the past few days your movements have started to be different as I think you're growing. Your kicks are getting harder and now your daddy can feel you pretty often. A lot of the times, we'll sit on the couch together with his hand on my belly and he'll just feel you while we're watching TV!
Food cravings? Not too much this week... just food in general!
Anything make you queasy or sick? Nope!!!
Labor signs? None, but that's good because you'd be WAY too early!
Symptoms? Some dizziness. And I get car-sick really easily. Hungry all the time - I feel like I could eat and never be completely satisfied!
Belly button in or out? It's in...but my mole has begun to stick out!.
Linea nigra? A very faint line on a very stretched, smooth belly!
Wedding ring on or off? On!
Happy or moody? Still ridiculously happy. All the time!
Looking forward to: THE THIRD TRIMESTER! It's just around the corner!!!!


In other news, Monday will be the anniversary of your Grandpa's death. I think it will be easier than it has been in the past. I have you, and I can't help to think that your Grandpa had something to do with you being a boy. He knew that's what I needed and I think you will always have a little piece of him with you because of that.

I miss him every day, but rather than be sad, I have sweet sweet memories and the knowledge that he gave me you so his memory could live on. I bet you will have some sweet characteristic of him, or some physical trait that will let me know you were kissed by him when you were made.

I can't wait to meet you.

Pregnancy Survey!

Yes, I am going to do a pregnancy survey - probably for the rest of my pregnancy. I want to remember what it was like to grow with you, so although I'm starting early, I can't wait to go back and read this someday.

How far along? 25 weeks
Maternity clothes? I live in my David Bitton "Buffalo" jeans. They are so comfy! And my tank-tops from target! It's usually those two staples with a sweater or open cardigan. I have also been utilizing some of my dresses with leggings and riding boots!
Stretch marks? Nope! Thank goodness!
Sleep? YES! I have figured out that if I deflate our sleep number bed all the way, I am able to make a cocoon that conforms to my body and cradles me as I sleep. I have also realized I use that cradle to sleep on my back and slightly to the left. It's comfy!
Best moment this week? Getting rid of my cankles! The swelling was so terrible when I came back from Florida! I also got a lot of compliments while in Florida from my co-workers. How I was all belly and nothing else, you wouldn't even be able to tell I was pregnant except for the belly AND the greatest of all, I make the cutest pregnant lady. It also helped me to realize that I LOVE being pregnant!
Miss anything? My pre-pregnancy wardrobe! However, this is teaching me how unimportant having a huge wardrobe really is!
Movement? I have figured out that you move every day from about 9:00-11:00 depending on when I have my Mt. Dew, then from about 1:00-3:00 and again from 7:30-8:30. Sometimes, you wake me up in the morning with your little feet kicking me at about 6:00 a.m., but otherwise, you are on a pretty set schedule.
Food cravings? Oddly enough, I LOVE chips and dip (haha) but if I have too much, it makes me feel sick! Actually, any food that isn't very good for you - too much of it - makes me feel sick.
Anything make you queasy or sick? Nope!!!
Labor signs? None, but that's good because you'd be WAY too early!
Symptoms? Swelling, fatigue, overabundant joy. :)
Belly button in or out? It's in...but barely.
Linea nigra? A very faint line on a very stretched, smooth belly!
Wedding ring on or off? On!
Happy or moody? HAPPY!
Looking forward to: Your daddy finishing your changing table, and my Rockford baby shower on Feb. 18!!! Super excited!

The Nursery: A Tribute to Grandpa Tom

We have your nursery 90% done. And how thankful I am for that! We only have your closet system to put in (which...we might never do that, so if you're reading this 25 years from now, sorry about that...) and your changing table. Your dad will be making your changing table and I'm excited for that. He was going to make your crib, but it was going to be tough since he has been so busy, so we decided to just buy one as well. Actually, buy a second one...you'll have to ask your dad about that story. He'd love to tell it, even 25 years from now!

So in "designing" your nursery, I knew I didn't want to spend a ton of money on decorations, bedding, or painting. We have painted nearly every room in this house ourselves. I am DONE with painting.

A couple years ago, when we repainted your room as a guest room (it was BRIGHT blue prior to us painting it - be thankful you got green and yellow!) I knew I wanted that room as a nursery since it's right next to our bedroom. So we painted it green and yellow, added the new doors, trim and crown moulding. We had a futon in there as a guest bed, but I sold that for $75. Wahoo!

So then we found out we were having you, and viola, we had your room painted. Only, we had a TON of crap in there. The closet held all my formal dress clothes - dresses from my choir teaching days, bridesmaid dresses etc. and all your dad's dress clothes. Not to mention, other clothes, ironing board, iron, suitcases and other miscellaneous items that we had to find room for. And we did find room for. Although, it wasn't very fun!!!

So we moved it out, found room for it and began moving "you" in. So far, everything that has to do with a baby has gone into that room. And then I started to nest. So I wanted everything organized and the room ready for your arrival. So we got a crib that we didn't like. As I write this, it's sitting in the basement, waiting for a home. Then we got another crib.

I knew your Grandpa Tom had made a glider and ottoman for your Grandma Mary. But she didn't use it and had put it in her basement (yes, her big, scary basement) right before you were born. I asked her if we could take it and she said yes, so I knew that was coming. I also knew that you would love the mini rocking chair and rocking horse Grandpa Tom had made, so I knew that was going in your nursery too.

So I had a lot of the big things taken care of, but I didn't know how to decorate. I knew I didn't want to spend a whole lot of money. It's just not worth it (you'll hopefully get that common sense too...) so I figured I would make some things.

After a little research, I found a cool idea for a mobile. Superglue them to a sewing circle and let them hang. But I wanted to do something just a little more than that. But I left it and went back to brainstorming.

I had the idea to paint your pictures and use excerpts from songs your Grandpa Tom really enjoyed. So I picked "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin, "Your Song" by Elton John, "I Hope You Dance" by Leeanne Womack and "Chattahoochee" by Alan Jackson. I have some really fond memories from the Leeanne Womack song and Alan Jackson with your Grandpa Tom, but those paintings didn't make it in there. :) However, the Elton John and Led Zeppelin song did. As soon as I knew I was painting the trio of pictures representing Led Zeppelin, I knew I had to make a "bird's nest" from which the circle of ribbon would hang. After a little ingenuity, viola, I did it. And it's amazing. I'm sure it will be outdated and probably a little "weird" when you finally read this or look back on this, but I think it's beautiful and I'm so so so excited for you to come and enjoy it. And I know that each time I rock you in that rocker, each time you sit in your own rocker, use the rocking horse and essentially, are in your nursery, a little bit of Grandpa Tom is there with you.

That's the most important part of all. I'm so excited to meet you and enjoy the nursery with you. I love you!

Oh, The Places You'll Go...

I've been thinking more and more of what to do with you when you finally get here and less and less of you as you are in my womb.

Sound stupid? Some things might be, but give your ole mom a chance...

1) I want to teach you to do good things for others and why it's important to do good things for others. I want to teach you to serve the homeless, donate to charities, conduct a service project. Whether that's through Boy Scouts, or just serving at a homeless shelter on Christmas Eve, I want it to be something special. Something that teaches you to be a good person.
2) I want you to be able to express yourself. It's important to me that you have a voice in our family, no matter if it's right or wrong. I want you to be able to form your own opinions and justify them in an intelligent way. I want you to take those opinions and build your own family around them someday.
3) I want you to know that sometimes, your mom will be wrong. And I hate being wrong. And I will try to keep myself in line when I'm being proven wrong. Trust me, you'll see.
4) I want you to have MANNERS and understand how to say "Please," and "Thank You," without being prompted. I don't want you to be a robot that automatically says thank you and you're not sure what you are thankful for. I want you to chew with your mouth closed, address people in a respectful manner and know that hats at the dinner table ARE NOT appropriate, no matter how often your daddy wears his damn stocking hats. :)
5) Most importantly, I want you to be who you are. Whoever you may be. Whatever you want to be. We will support you wholly........ as long as you can justify your decision. :)

I love you!
Mom

YOU'RE A BOY!!!!

You're a boy, you're a boy, YOU'RE A BOY!!!

Now, don't get me wrong, I would have been more than happy to have a little girl, but you're a boy.

And oooohhhhhhhh, how I was hoping for a boy!

They say that mothers know for sure what the baby is before the ultrasound, and I could have sworn you were a boy. But the night before our ultrasound last Wednesday (Dec. 21), I forced myself to think of all the neat things you can do with a girl, like dress them up in frills and lace and how pretty they are!!! And the cutest names you can give them...

But you're a boy, and I knew you would be!!!

I could hardly contain myself the night before, going to bed well after midnight and waking up by BOUNCING out of bed t 6:30 a.m. I did my morning routine, then dragged your father out of bed (you'll understand that dad likes to sleep...a lot...) and we set off for the hospital. We figured out where we were going, did the insurance thing, and then I could hardly contain myself in the waiting room of Iowa Radiology in Methodist Plaza.

When the technician finally called our name, I told her that we wanted to find out the gender right away, so that was the first thing we did was look to see if you were a boy or a girl. At one point, I saw your umbilical cord and said, "Oh!!! He's a boy!!!" and then the ultrasound technician said, "Oh, that's the umbilical cord." Finally, we saw what we needed to see to determine gender and tech said, "Oh! Look at the size of those testicles!" I exclaimed something like, "He's a boy!" and started to cry. But the shit-eating grin on your dad's face was absolutely priceless. PRICELESS.

I loved watching his reaction when the ultrasound technician discovered something new about you. You're little heart beating, your little brain, your beautiful face, and of course, those wonderful wonderful 10 fingers and toes. You are so adorable and I can't wait to meet you for real!!!

I love you more than I can even tell you, and cannot WAIT to meet you.

Can't wait.

If I close my eyes reaaaallllllll tight...

December 6, 2011...

On December 1, I was driving back to work from picking up some boxes for moving, and holy GOD I had to pee!!! So I was concentrating on basically not peeing my pants, when I felt this fluttering in my belly. I was cruising down the road, no one around me, radio off (because I had had people in it prior to grabbing those boxes...) and there you were, letting me know you're here!!!

There have been so many things that have let me know you're here. For instance, an increase in my visits to the bathroom! And my boobs have definitely gotten bigger! And my belly is growing. But somedays, it just doesn't feel real...

It's crazy what people say about motherly instincts, and I figured that if I didn't acquire those, I could at least just echo what I've seen other people do!!! But at the moment I felt your fluttering, I just knew it was you! It was nothing I've ever felt before, and I will never forget that first feeling!

I've been trying hard to feel that fluttering ever since, and yesterday, when I got in the car for work, there you were, dancing around to the Foo Fighters' "Rope" on the radio. It was a combination of fluttering and weird movement, but I knew you were there! I laughed because your daddy LOVES the Foo Fighters, and I'm sure since you were executing those dance moves like your dad is known to do (ha!) you will love the Foo Fighters too!

So tonight, I got home, and ate my favorite - chips and dip! YUM! You must have liked it too, because after that, there you were! Your grandma once told me it feels like little fingers poking you from the inside. It was incredible!!! There you were, poking me on the right side of my abdomen, saying hello!

I laughed and sat quietly, concentrating on that feeling. This is what I've been doing ALL NIGHT! Watching TV, surfing the internet and concentrating on feeling you bounce around! There was one kick that I definitely felt on the outside of my stomach, which made me sooooo excited to have your dad come home and feel you too. He will be thrilled!

So you better perform when he comes home on Friday!!!!!

I wanted to get this down in the books, so that I could remember this magical feeling forever. I don't think I will ever forget the flood of emotions I had when I first felt you, and thereafter, but I want to remember what I was doing, where I was.

I cannot wait to meet you. I love you already!

Dear Dad

Happy 60th Birthday.

Last night, I had the craziest vision of you while driving home. You were feeding our kid corn on the cob, at the dinner table at your house. Baby Engels wasn't ready for it, but he was loving every second of it! And you were smiling and laughing at his reactions, making facing to get more reactions, giving him more butter...

I really, truly wish, from the bottom of my heart, that would be a true memory I would have some day.

But unfortunately, it can only be a vision. However good it may be that I can still remember you that clearly, it will still, only be a vision.

P.S. Please watch out for CB as she grieves through her mom's disease. Give her the strength you gave me, and I know she'll make it out. And CB, if you're reading this, no worries. Pa Dudding will help you out when you need it. Just ask. :)